I’ve always found white lights somewhat enchanting. I turn them on and the whole of me completely relaxes. That’s why these lights, hung in my bedroom last December, never came down when the holiday season had passed.
Archives for November 2011
selfish or sane
On a few occasions, I’ve received feedback that the amount of activities I partake (evening yoga, training rides and runs) are things that they did not have the luxury of taking part in until their kids were grown — unless it was early in the morning. Having felt strongly that runs at o’dark thirty are dangerous (if done solo), and since I do not have the comfort of running with company, I have always avoided early morning workouts.
The other day it came up again. This time, though the comment was meant to be a reassurance that it was normal to struggle for time for these activities, I took it differently. Suddenly my complaint about missing workouts seemed selfish. I began wondering what kind of mom people must take me for – seeing me posting photos of my long training rides, marathons, etc.
In contrast, I know what kind of mom I could become if I don’t have an outlet for my stress. I also know that beyond the safety aspects (which are of utmost importance), I have a son who does not seem to have the ability to wake up on his own. He sleeps through his alarm clock’s deafening BEEP, and repeatedly falls back asleep when I wake him up.
It’s not like I head off to the gym every night. In fact, I don’t even have a gym membership anymore. I only want a yoga workout 1-2 times during the week and one 1-2 hour weekend run (or ride) whenever his schedule allows. The rest can be done during my lunch break.
Is this really too much? Be honest. Am I being selfish or sane?
I love this guy
I could be wrong, but it sure seems like NOBODY in the world could be happier to see me when I wake up and when I come home from work as this guy.
Of course that might have something to do with feeding time. Nonetheless, I love this guy.
thanks a million
It’s been a long while since I’ve attended Sunday mass. Because that’s generally a place where I feel more free to talk directly to the dead (no matter if the Catholic church feels I should), church is generally where I go to say “hello” to Tom. It’s hard to believe that nearly 5 years have passed since his death. We, the kids and I, have done a whole lot of reflecting and healing. We, or I at least, have harbored a whole lot of anger too.
It matters not (anymore) whether the doctor’s missed the boat in caring for him. In retrospect, there were plenty of signs that, if put together, pointed to Cancer. On the other hand, Tom had done plenty of suffering already; in many ways, I think he was thankful that there fighting the Cancer wasn’t an option. His only fight was to die, and he did that well.
Tibetan singing bowl
A few years ago, in YaYa’s therapy session, we were introduced to miniature version of this Tibetan singing bowl. Dr. Games (as we refer to him) gently ignited it’s song as he guided my son in a breathing exercise and helped him work through his fear of dying.
It worked it’s magic, or rather, YaYa did with the assistance of sound and breath. As I remember, it worked a bit of magic in me as well.
I will forever be drawn to the healing sound of these bowls.