Hello World

The scar on my right leg has started to fade so I figured there was no better time than now to see if the some of the fears from my fall have subsided as well. As I approached the line of treadmills, I told myself “Just run ONE mile, then you can get off if you want.”

The first mile started off slow. I began at 5 mph and increased by 0.5 mph with each 1/4 mile lap until I reached 6.3 mph. I held it here and stayed focused on staying relaxed and letting go — literally. At the 1 mile mark, I paused to take a deep breath of relief and reward myself for making that far. I also changed myTunes to a familiar, more calming set (aka Lady A).

While mouthing the words, I resumed my running. Our Kind of Love, American Honey, and then Hello World. I’m always touched by the lyrics from this song. They’re just so beautiful.

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk video screams at me
Through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan
She’s got chocolate on her face
Got little hands, and she waves at me
Ya, she smiles at me

Before long, I see my Daddy coming home from work. I am 7 years old at the most, and running up the street beside his car, waving my arms wildly at him. The feeling is joyful and easy and it is a good place to be.

Hello world
How’ve you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I’m never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world

The song continues to play. Now, I am a teenage girl coming home at the end of run. The wind blows my hair and the dirt crunches beneath my feel. I feel strong and confident when I am running. This is another good place to be.

Every day I drive by
A little white church
It’s got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God
Like he is here
Oh I know he is there
Ya, I know he’s there

Then I am running on the treadmill. I am a woman in her 40’s who is struggling to get on with her life yet feeling hopeless in the process. I feel weak and my legs are heavy. It is NOT a good place to be. I want to heal and move on but I am afraid of falling. I am afraid that, if I fall, I will not being able to get up.

Hello world
How’ve you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I’m never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world

I am running. And I am on a treadmill. But I am in a whole different place now — Thank God.

All the empty disappears
I remember why I’m here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
Hello world
Hello world