Around this time of year would be when I might write a Year-in-Review post. Twenty-twenty is not one of those years that needs summing up. If I am remembering correctly, I had every intention of repeating my Daily Photo Project of 2010. It didn’t happen. I envisioned that I might “put myself out there” again. Following 11 months of healing, from eleven years of dating the same gentleman who I thought I would one day marry, I thought that I might be able to risk opening my heart up to another. That also did not happen. What did happen, (since I am going down this path) is that he-who-swore-he-would-NEVER-remarry again is engaged. My ability to trust a man with my heart is once more shot to hell in a handbasket. I could claim hindsight. I could stay mad. [Read more…]
While I sit at home, working and watching Kobe grow into his feet, I entertain thoughts of him accompanying me on long hikes and eventually backpacking excursions. As I do, I think about getting him accustomed to hauling his own water or other items. In my free time, I research packs and doggie boots to protect his delicate puppy paws. I think it’s funny what motivates us/me in these days of COVID. Don’t you?
Upon acquiring some second hand Ruffwear Boots, I eagerly put them on him. Not surprisingly, Kobe is eager to free his paws from the boots I’ve just put on him. Repeatedly, he frees his paws, only to have me put the boots back on him. With the boots now on all 4 paws, I run circles around the house, playfully encouraging him to chase me. We make a few circles through the living room, down the hallway, into the dining room, and back into the living room. I decide to change it up and quickly make a turn into the family room. As I do, he follows me, boots flapping along as he tries to figure out how to maneuver with them. Then, it happens…
I took this picture as the sun made it descent for the day. Treasuring the moment and the strangely red sun while enjoying a hike with YaYa, Simba, and our new pup (Kobe). The day before my son would return to working full time would mark the end of his sheltering the storm with me (as we have been doing since the middle of March). Little did I know, this would also be the last time I would see the sun for a while (hopefully).
Mornings have been rather tough lately, with the darkness lingering longer than in the peak of Summer. As you know, my emotions tend to be interconnected with the sunlight. It is why I love living in California. Lately, however, our lovely state has caught fire throughout the land. Many have lost their homes or have been evacuated and living with the fear that they will never be able to return. For me, I am blessed that I am able to remain in my home. Yet, the fear in the air is palpable. I breathe it in all day long and am getting worn down from my emotions taking yet another hit.
I look around and I take note:
– I am safe
– My family is safe
– Our home is safe
– We all have jobs
– We are all healthy
– I am blessed
I am not alone in feeling this emotional uncertainty. I know this. Perhaps you are feeling it too. As I remind myself to refrain from making a list of negatives, I give myself permission not to beat myself up for not staying positive. I invite you to do the same. And if you are lucky enough to have someone nearby who can give you a hug, enjoy the embrace. Even that is a blessing. This, I know.
If you are anything like me, you often notice how quickly time seems to pass. It’s one thing to wake at 4:30 am, fall back to sleep, then wake again at 6:45 am (too late to make it to the yoga studio for the led practice). But, that’s not what I am talking about. I am talking about how quickly the calendar flips pages, even when the days sometimes seem to drag on.
How does this happen?
One wonders if we are sleeping through the days, unconscious to time passing. And what would be the solution – if there was one?
Personally, I think that a solution may lie in pausing to appreciate the moments along the way. Take the time to leave the office at lunch. Go outside and let the sun shine on your face and in your eyes. Listen to the sound of of the gravel moving under your feet as you walk. Kick a fallen pine cone or stone, and admire the flowers.
For me, this helps.
Although I have not been as good as I had hoped in my 20/20 Daily Photo Project, I do notice that the project does encourage me to open my eyes more and notice my surroundings. To be frank, I have actually been taking more photos than I have posted. I just haven’t been happy with the content and quality of my efforts. My old laptop which had my photo editing software on it died and I cannot find the serial number to reinstall on my newer Mac. The Apple iPhoto edits do not impress me in the least and leave me a little unenthusiastic about the photos.
But, I will continue my efforts, even if nobody but me sees the result. It’s more for me than anyone else.