The new year is off to a good start… for once, YaYa arrived at school early. A whole DAY early!
another year gone by
It’s hard to believe that it’s already time for my year-in-review post. This year (2012) came and went in a blink of an eye. I’m honestly not ready to wrap it up; it seems like there is so much more left to be done. Thankfully, the world didn’t end. God willing, I’ll have 2013 and many more years to get ‘er done.
In the meantime, I can be thankful for 2012 and all that the year has afforded me…
You may or may not remember, I chose BALANCE as my little word of the year. Similar to 2011, I approached end the year wondering if there is another more appropriate word to summarize the year gone by. In many respects, my goal to find balance was achieved. But as I look back it is obvious that, often times, my finding balance was more of a way of self-preservation rather than the profound level of accomplishment that I once pictured. Since starting this little word of the year, 2010 was the year of heath, 2012 my year requiring much patience, and 2012 with it’s quest for balance also required much persistence and inner strength from me. It was a balance of good and challenging.
January: Shortly after the start of the year, I sought out information on my back discomfort and was reminded of a scoliosis which, although diagnosed at age 13, was soon forgotten. Although I had intended to build on this knowledge and find ways to limit putting undue stress on my back, at the end of the year, I’m not sure that I accomplished this end.
The highlight of February was the discovery of a particular TED Talk featuring a man who did time-lapse photography. The video he spotlighted in his talk was on his recent Happiness Revealed project. It brought me to tears in February and again today as I revisit it.
March was a month of loss. I got past the 5 year anniversary of my husband’s passing only to lose my dad to a sudden heart attack in the final days of the month. Unfortunately, the news leaked out into the social network before sun rise and phone calls could be made. You know I didn’t do it.
By April, my yoga practice had transformed following my commitment to practice daily for 108 days. In many respects, this was truly a balancing point for my learning how to keep the yin and yang evened out. I utilized meditation and carefully planned out class selections to keep my body happy — much like a marathoner alternates hard and easy days to keep peace in the body and mind.
With May came Simba, my overly energetic canine from Georgia. This was a test of will and tolerance. With him staying for the entire summer, it was a battle of wills which I refused to lose.
In June, once again the alignment of both my spine, as well as my priorities, came back into my awareness. I set the wheels in motion for me to go on a yoga instructor training and retreat in Dharamsala, India.
The month of July took theMan and I into the backcountry for 5 glorious day in Kings Canyon. When it was all said and done, I reflected on the trip…and my life in general.
August brought a flood of emotions regarding my father and his passing earlier in the year.
And at the end of September, I was off on my Indian adventure learning about yoga, spirituality, and myself.
October: I returned from afar to jump right back into the rat race so to speak. With an adequate, but less than optimal amount of training, I toed the line for the Nike Women’s half marathon. Here, I brought some of my lessons learned in India off the mat and onto the streets of San Francisco. That little bit or racing left me reminesing about my marathoning days and, for a very short period of time, I dreamed of picking up the quest to BQ again. Then…my back’s ongoing squawking had me opting out of battling the fight to resume full on marathon training.
In November, I circled back to embracing life and simply enjoying being me — however imperfect I am. At the end of the day, year, and run, I’ve finally reached a point of understanding that inner strength (rather than muscle) is what allows one to teeter the edge and find balance.
With December came introspection, an attempt to shoo away my back pain by working the mind-body connection, and finally succumbing to western medicine.
It’s been a whirlwind of a year. One of pain, self-discovery, adventure, sadness, joy…and balance too. As another year goes by, I contemplate my little word for 2013…
the bug
Today, after getting some upsetting news, I laced up my shoes and headed out for a run. I felt the tug to stay at my desk instead. But I ignored it. A few steps into it, I felt a different sort of tug. This one, muscular in nature, pulled at me to abandon my efforts. I ignored it too. The tug, that is. The reason for the tug, I acknowledged. Then I observed the tug melting away.
Dire Straits, The Bug began playing on myTunes. I listened and thought about the ups and downs of everyday life. Lately, it really does feel like a game. And sometimes I truly feel like I really am the ball. It’s trial and error. It’s give and take. It’s a challenge and, yes, it’s a joy too.
I think they call it life.
Well it’s a strange old game – you learn it slow
One step forward and it’s back to go
You’re standing on the throttle
You’re standing on the breaks
In the groove ’til you make a mistakeSometime you’re the windshield
Sometime you’re the bug
Sometime it all comes together baby
Sometime you’re a fool in love
Sometime you’re the louisville slugger
Sometime you’re the ball
Sometime it all come together baby
Sometime you’re gonna lose it all …
lessons-not-learned
When you are in high school, memorizing seemingly useless facts only to forget them as soon as the test is passed, you never dream that you will need the information again. Years later, you find your son heading down the same path.
Now, however, you are wiser. You know that the key to memorization is understanding. And so you bone up on the material so as to pass on your new-found wisdom to your son.
Of course, first you kick yourself around a bit until, finally, you find forgiveness for not learning it right the first time. Then you pray that the next lessons-not-learned will be a tad bit easier to grasp the second time around.
just a bit off-line
I guess a few people missed the message I posted. I had it up most of Wednesday so as to warn everyone that I was planning a temporary going “offline” (aka deactivating my FB account).
Yeah. I’ve received a few messages inquiring on my whereabouts. I received a few others asking if I was mad at them.
Don’t worry, my friends. I am doing fine. And, YES, I still do love you.
I simply thought it would be good for me to step away so that I could re-align my priorities and also help YaYa do the same. It is the final 3 weeks of the current grading period — with grades meaning EVERYTHING when you are trying to gain acceptance into private high schools.
You know I’ll be back online soon but, for now, things are just a bit off-line. Of course… you can always find me HERE.
