After over a year of putting up with this back pain, and doing my best to temper it with a mindbody awareness, I have finally returned to pay my doctor a visit. I wanted her to tell me that indeed it was all in my head, like they told me when I arrived in the emergency room a young teen with numbness from my ribs to toes. Back then, I considered the process of creating a physical ailment to distract me from some other distressful thought a bit like being C-R-A-Z-Y. Today, I feel differently.
Of course, my exam pointed to something more, or at least signs that needed further tests. Of course. My doctor is thorough. Even my visit, shortly after Tom’s death, to have her rule out a myocardial infarction lead to an abnormal electrocardiogram, necessitating an echocardiogram. In the end, the abnormalities of my tests pointed to a deviation from normal that was within the acceptable range.
So, I am now heading down the path of finding out. I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Admittedly, I am a bit scared but with a brave exterior.
And I am thankful for having had a big, important document to clean and cull comments, and enter changes for multiple reviewers. It occupied my mind all day long and an extra 1 1/2 hours into the night. I ran a few errands after work, obsessively checked for lab results for another bit during the night, and finally just curled up in fetal position.
Today is a new day, and there appear to be a lot of monkeys flying over the path of finding out (a.ka. the yellow brick road). My questions have grown. Of course, I shot a message to my doctor already.