In the wee hours of the morning, before the first bird began singing their morning song, I lay awake in bed. My heart chakra ached with a sadness that is unfamiliar. I’ve been aware of this sadness for a few days now but I have an odd relationship to it. This sadness that I’ve been experiencing feels foreign — as if it’s not my pain at all.
This may sound funny to some of you. I’ve no other explaination. It’s as if I am feeling sad because someone thinks that I should be sad. True, there are some days where I am sad…but not lately. Lately, I am happy — very, very happy.
I hit the shower before sunrise. Letting the hot water wash over me, I tried visualizing the sadness leaving. The cleasing came to a hault as questions came to mind: When am allowed to be happy? How long is long enough?
It didn’t take long for me to note that only my answer to these questions matters. I closed my eyes and let the hot water wash it all away.
“How long is long enough?”
When you decide :-) and yes, your opinion is the only one that matters. Glad to hear you are happy!
Oh, I totally get that. Sometimes the sadness and loneliness hits me. But then there are times when I think other people expect me to be sad about my situation, and I might even express some sadness — but deep down I realize that I’m really not. And I’m actually excited about the future.
So, yeah, I get it.
You’re allowed to be happy. You deserve it, in fact.