Around this time of year would be when I might write a Year-in-Review post. Twenty-twenty is not one of those years that needs summing up. If I am remembering correctly, I had every intention of repeating my Daily Photo Project of 2010. It didn’t happen. I envisioned that I might “put myself out there” again. Following 11 months of healing, from eleven years of dating the same gentleman who I thought I would one day marry, I thought that I might be able to risk opening my heart up to another. That also did not happen. What did happen, (since I am going down this path) is that he-who-swore-he-would-NEVER-remarry again is engaged. My ability to trust a man with my heart is once more shot to hell in a handbasket. I could claim hindsight. I could stay mad. [Read more…]
Okay with not being okay
I took this picture as the sun made it descent for the day. Treasuring the moment and the strangely red sun while enjoying a hike with YaYa, Simba, and our new pup (Kobe). The day before my son would return to working full time would mark the end of his sheltering the storm with me (as we have been doing since the middle of March). Little did I know, this would also be the last time I would see the sun for a while (hopefully).
Mornings have been rather tough lately, with the darkness lingering longer than in the peak of Summer. As you know, my emotions tend to be interconnected with the sunlight. It is why I love living in California. Lately, however, our lovely state has caught fire throughout the land. Many have lost their homes or have been evacuated and living with the fear that they will never be able to return. For me, I am blessed that I am able to remain in my home. Yet, the fear in the air is palpable. I breathe it in all day long and am getting worn down from my emotions taking yet another hit.
I look around and I take note:
– I am safe
– My family is safe
– Our home is safe
– We all have jobs
– We are all healthy
– I am blessed
I am not alone in feeling this emotional uncertainty. I know this. Perhaps you are feeling it too. As I remind myself to refrain from making a list of negatives, I give myself permission not to beat myself up for not staying positive. I invite you to do the same. And if you are lucky enough to have someone nearby who can give you a hug, enjoy the embrace. Even that is a blessing. This, I know.