I discovered a few things about myself in the short time that I was on my blogging leave (or sabbatical). I discovered just how much I thrive on communication. There is a level of feeling connected to a greater whole that I have been missing.
After Tom died, I tried to fill my emptiness with, what appeared to be a means of gaining this feeling of being connected. I joined several social networks (My Space, Facebook, & Twitter) and then waited for the feeling of belonging to magically appear. It works for my son, so why not me.
Well, that feeling never came. Instead of feeling like I fit in, I felt more like a high school student that has not been included in the clique of popular girls. Recently, I have been laughing at myself – out loud even. I have since remembered that in high school, I was never a part of the popular girls because I was different. I was one of the jocks, and proud of it.
More than feeling like I didn’t belong, the social networks also made me feel vulnerable. While I easily made the decision to take leave from this blog, after having my words appear on another site (without adequate credit), I remained on these networks. The feeling of alienation grew, because it is YOU that I feel connected to and it is HERE that I get that acceptance.
I began to rethink my leave. I also re-thought my membership on the social networks. I then deactivated those accounts.
I cannot say how often I will blog here. My participation in Blog 365 is not important anymore, but my communication to and from you (my friends) IS.
Speaking of friends:
I was really bummed out last October, when I met up with my running friends (virtual and RLFs) at the Nike Woman’s Marathon Expo in San Francisco. I was so bummed, that I swore I would jump on the registration ban wagon as soon as registration opened for this year’s event. Then the email came. I clicked over to the website to read about the new “lottery” approach to registration. My initial, and lingering, thought was, “That SUCKS!” I then boycotted the registration until I found out whom else in my circle of virtual and RLFs (Real Life Friends) was entering the lottery.
Well, I forgot about it, until today, when I discovered that registration for the lottery has been closed. Phooey! Perhaps I should have posed the question earlier, but I was too ticked off to care at the time. Now, any hope of registering has past.
But, I still would like to know:
• Who registered for the lottery?
• Who got into the event?
• Did anyone choose to register as a group?