I discovered a few things about myself in the short time that I was on my blogging leave (or sabbatical). I discovered just how much I thrive on communication. There is a level of feeling connected to a greater whole that I have been missing.
After Tom died, I tried to fill my emptiness with, what appeared to be a means of gaining this feeling of being connected. I joined several social networks (My Space, Facebook, & Twitter) and then waited for the feeling of belonging to magically appear. It works for my son, so why not me.
Well, that feeling never came. Instead of feeling like I fit in, I felt more like a high school student that has not been included in the clique of popular girls. Recently, I have been laughing at myself – out loud even. I have since remembered that in high school, I was never a part of the popular girls because I was different. I was one of the jocks, and proud of it.
More than feeling like I didn’t belong, the social networks also made me feel vulnerable. While I easily made the decision to take leave from this blog, after having my words appear on another site (without adequate credit), I remained on these networks. The feeling of alienation grew, because it is YOU that I feel connected to and it is HERE that I get that acceptance.
I began to rethink my leave. I also re-thought my membership on the social networks. I then deactivated those accounts.
I cannot say how often I will blog here. My participation in Blog 365 is not important anymore, but my communication to and from you (my friends) IS.