Time keeps on ticking

Can you believe that it is nearly the end of February?    One year ago, I found myself in the emergency room (ER) with my husband.  I was fearful that his shoulder pain was some sort of abnormal presentation of a heart attack.  He had some x-rays done, and we were sent home with instructions to follow up with his primary care physician.  Where has the time gone? 

That night, I feared that he was having a heart attack.  I cursed his job for making him work so hard.  I cursed him for not saying no to being overworked.  I cursed myself for not being a strong enough force to make him change.  Little did I know that a heart attack would have been like a blister is to a gangrenous foot.  There’s no going back and re-doing our life.  His is gone; we try to move on.

It’s now one year later,  and I am still trying to comprehend what has happened to my life.  My children keep me busy; they give me purpose (too much at times).  I have no choice but to plod along.  But I don’t forget.  It feels like we are going through it all over again.  I remember the chain of events, the questions, the waiting…just like it was yesterday.

More and more I feel the need to move forward and make some sense out of my life again.  I need to help my children to do the same.  Try as I might, it is hard to put the past behind me.  Perhaps I’ll have better luck if I swallow something, other than my pride.  I am open to anything at this point.  Meanwhile, time keeps on ticking.