Good Grief

Gathering the Pieces

August 27, 2025 by Juls Leave a Comment

It’s been months since I’ve written here. While social media tends to pull most of the chatter these days, this quiet corner of the internet still feels like home when I need room for longer thoughts.

The last time I posted, it was about an 8K race I ran in June. I experimented with a more active writing style—what my instructor calls showing rather than telling. Instead of simply saying “the race was hard,” I tried to pull you into the experience: the sights and sounds along the course, the exchanges with spectators and fellow runners, and that final push toward the finish line. The more I practice writing this way, the more natural it feels. It’s still very much a work in progress, but when the words start to breathe on the page, it feels like magic.

Over the past year, I’ve been sifting through old memories, photos, blog posts, journals—even medical records—trying to piece together a larger story of survival. At its core, the story is about grief and resilience, but it also draws on the years when marathon running provided me the structure and strength to overcome what life kept dishing out.

Along the way, I’ve taken memoir-writing classes, welcomed feedback (even the hard kind), and shaped something I’m proud of. It’s not quite ready for the world yet; for now, it’s with a few trusted readers for early review and fine-tuning. But with a little luck—and a lot more patience—I hope to soon have a book ready to send out in search of a publisher.

And here I am, dusting off this quiet little corner of the internet. If you’ve found your way here—whether you’ve been reading for years or just stumbled in—thank you for keeping me company. Sometimes that’s all a writer really needs.

Spring Update

April 5, 2022 by Juls 2 Comments

The last time I wrote, there was a hummingbird nesting in my backyard. If you’re wondering why I have been silent, it is because the nest was attacked shortly after my post – pieces of nest hanging from multiple branches, no sign of an egg anywhere, and momma hummingbird flying frantically about the area. I have no idea if she laid more eggs elsewhere or if she took some time to mourn the loss. I’d certainly understand, if that was the case.

Meanwhile, the anniversary of Tom’s passing came and went. This year marked 15 years since he left us. BoBo came up from SoCal to have dinner with YaYa and I. We reminisced a little, but mostly enjoyed an excuse to be together during these crazy times. It’s so hard to believe that those little boys of 8 and 14 years old are now grown men with such busy lives. I’m sure their father would be proud to see the men they have become. In fact, YaYa is getting ready to transfer to Tom’s alma matter.

Training-wise, I am struggling to find my happy pace. I did, however, find a few old voice recordings from Tom and the boys encouraging me to run fast. AND, I found some from you as well. The voices and accompanying words of encouragement that fueled me in my many BQ attempts, now fuels me to simply keep up the effort. Whether it is Coach Jeff reminding me to “dig deep”, Thunderclap saying “Cwoss the finish line”, or Runner Susan telling me that I have “great hair”; it all makes me smile, which keeps me moving. And I just want to say that I am still so grateful for all of the support and love over all these years.

As for the race, at this point (with < 20 days before toeing the line), all I can hope for is to finish the race in one piece.

In with the New (HNY)

December 30, 2021 by Juls Leave a Comment

A year ago, I wrote about how 2020 was not a year that needed a my year-in-review post. Twenty twenty-one was no different. I mean, the year was slightly different, but the year as a whole is not one in need of highlighting. Seriously, the fact that I have written less than a handful of posts should be telling enough.

You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? It’s got a 10-second memory.” – Ted Lasso

Now, let’s all be a goldfish and forget 2020 and 2021. [Read more…]

Life (and death) Happens

April 7, 2021 by Juls Leave a Comment

You may remember that I had a hummingbird nesting on my backyard deck. I was thrilled to see two tiny hummingbirds emerge within the nest. Momma sat warming her babies diligently for many days, leaving for short periods of time to collect nourishment for her and her babies.

Then one day, I noticed the babies were growing strong enough to lift their beaks into view. I watched as momma came with food for them. The stronger bird always seemed to get the sustenance while the other one waited patiently. I prayed that I just wasn’t around to see when momma fed her other little birdie. I am sure that she did indeed feed both of them.

But as the days passed, I only saw one head emerging. On March 21st, the anniversary of my husband’s passing, I peaked in with my selfie stick and confirmed that only one of the babies was visible in the nest. I assumed that the other had not survived; it was no where to be seen. On top of that, it seemed that momma was distancing herself from the nest. Overwhelmed with sadness, I worried that the other would not survive. But I didn’t want to touch the nest for fear that she would completely abandon her remaining baby. I cried and prayed a lot that day.

I shouldn’t have been surprised to find that I couldn’t help but experience my own grief as I eyed the nest from a distance. I’ve never lost a child but my experience of losing my husband tells me that losing a child has got to be FAR more profound emotionally than what I went through years ago. But there is no forgetting the intense feeling of not wanting to get out from under my covers in those initial days, weeks, and even months. I did so because I had to. My sons needed me to help them and to show them that we could be okay. So I did what I could to create a new norm as we navigated the grief together. It wasn’t easy.

As I reflected on those earlier days of grieving, I prayed that momma hummingbird could find that same strength that I did. And I prayed even more when the sun seemed to retreat and the nights got cold over the days that followed.

Please, baby hummingbird, hang on. Your momma is coming back. I know she is.

Thankfully, the remaining baby held on and waited for momma’s return. Momma didn’t spend a lot of time at the nest but she was coming regularly and, it seemed, that her baby was getting what she needed to grow and generate enough heat to keep warm at night.

Little by little, momma and baby seemed to be finding their strength and building up the momentum to move on with life — as we all must do. Baby was quickly filling out and spilling out over the top of the tiny nest.

Then, one day I noticed that momma was coming by rather frequently with nourishment — and also just to check in (it seemed). I began wondering… [Read more…]

Hindsight

December 16, 2020 by Juls Leave a Comment

Around this time of year would be when I might write a Year-in-Review post. Twenty-twenty is not one of those years that needs summing up. If I am remembering correctly, I had every intention of repeating my Daily Photo Project of 2010. It didn’t happen. I envisioned that I might “put myself out there” again. Following 11 months of healing, from eleven years of dating the same gentleman who I thought I would one day marry, I thought that I might be able to risk opening my heart up to another. That also did not happen. What did happen, (since I am going down this path) is that he-who-swore-he-would-NEVER-remarry again is engaged. My ability to trust a man with my heart is once more shot to hell in a handbasket. I could claim hindsight. I could stay mad. [Read more…]