I’ve been getting emails all week from family, friends, and blog acquaintances that are all acutely aware of the time of year. Because of this, I am taking this reprieve from my sabbatical to provide you with this update.
It is true; four seasons (one calendar year) have passed since my husband died. I am comforted by the caring thoughts of so many people (many whom I have never even met). While the spectators from the blog-o-sphere are aware of the date, those that we come in contact with on a daily basis remain clueless. Perhaps if those around me were avid readers of my blog, they too would be better informed of the grieving road map. I can’t blame them really. I haven’t taken much time to educate them. I haven’t had the energy to do so.
Recently, I did manage to get the word out to the schools regarding the 1-year anniversary of our loss. YaYa has been showing obvious struggles all week. His inability to do things such as write in a straight line, draw nicely, and retain focus, have been telltale signs of this. I am sure the phenomenon is hitting the whole of Family F in one way or another.
I have noticed my own suffering from a lack of performance. I’ve been worthless all week. My mind has constantly been straying off-task, and my motivation seems to be at an all-time low. Somehow, although I am not sure how, my work has been getting accomplished. I have also managed to get out and run. It has only been once this week but it is a start, and the week is still young.
It’s not that I feel bad, really. On the contrary, I feel pretty good considering everything that is come and gone recently. I am just tired, Oh SO Tired. The time change has added to the funk. We climb into bed between 8:30 and 9:00 pm and then fight to get up by 7 am, when we should be up at 6:15 am. Sunny spring evenings are something that I have always enjoyed about this time of year. I love the sunshine and the feeling of endless leisure at the end of my day (even if it is a façade). Come morning, on the other hand, it is a completely different story. This is where my love for the time of year quickly turns to hate as I MUST have sun to help me wake me up in the morning. If the sun can sleep in, I should be able to as well.
Since I know that many of you are wondering, I have decided to take the anniversary day off. We plan to enjoy a day of rest, while engaging in a few remembrance activities. I hope that some further healing will come of it.
Now that you have been updated, I will return to my blogging sabbatical.
Good for you for taking a day off. I hope you and the boys find some way to celebrate Tom’s life that is invigorating and ultimately liberates you from the doldrums you are experiencing. It’s been a long hard journey to this place and you have shown tremendous resilience and strength. Thank you for sharing your journey and for being an inspiration.
thinking of you. Glad to hear you’re taking some time as a family to remember and hopefully heal.
Prayers be with you. Take care. All of the firsts are now behind you.
happy easter juls! glad to hear you’re taking care.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on the anniversary. Happy Easter dear. :)
Just stopping in to send you my best. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care!
If it’s any help, a friend of mine who has never, ever tanned recently won something like 50 free tans & decided she’d try it once just for fun because she knows tanning is bad for your skin. She is extrememly fair so she only stayed in the tanning bed 4 minutes.
Afterwards, she said she knows why people are addicted to tanning beds. In that short time she felt euphoric as if she’d just gotten a mega dose of vitamin B and C & it lasted the whole day.
She’s been going once a week for 5 minutes just for the glorious pick me up. She’s suffered seasonal depression for years and said this was the even better than antidepressants.
~this is just a suggestion to maybe help with being so tired & maybe give you the energy-boost you need!!
I have no clue what you are dealing with personally, and I am not pretending to. I am deeply sorry for your loss and will pray you feel better everyday.
The anniversary is always, always very “something” for me. It used to be reaaly sad, now it is sad and something else but I can’t put me finger on the emotion. You are amazing and I am better for having you in my cyberlife. Thank you, Juls.
I was just coming over to let you know I have been thinking about you. I am glad to see this post and the update.