deactivated

The door to my office has been closed for much of the day.   It’s not that I have bloodshot eyes from crying, or that I am poorly dressed or stink to high heaven from lack of hygiene.  I actually did a good job at putting on a happy face today. 

 

Earlier in the day the following conversation occurred with a colleague:

Guy: Your hair looks GREAT. Did you just get it done?

Me: No. I was awake at 4 AM so it got some extra attention.

Guy: I was awake at 4 AM too. What doesn’t my hair look like that?

It made me laugh when I really needed to laugh.  Still, I returned to my desk, made a to-do list, and tried to focus on my job.  That is why I am here.  Right?

 

At lunch, I took a 2 mile walk in the area surrounding my work.  The air was cool and dried leaves littered the sidewalk.  I took it in.  Try as I might, the thoughts of all of the happiness I have experienced with L and all that now stands in limbo-land weighed me down.  I walked and did my best to take in my surroundings.  I worked for a total of 5 minutes.  *sigh*

 

It is hard to be alone with the unhappy thoughts — so hard in fact, that I found myself once again reaching for my iPhone to update my status on FB.  As if people really care that I am “walking.”  Really?  It’s just stupid how glued I’ve been to FB these days.  I can’t help myself.  And seriously, of the 200+ “friends” who are connected to me, there are very few who are really honest to goodness friends.  So why, then, why do I waste my time?  I didn’t have a reasonable answer to this question so, when I returned to the office, I deactivated my account (temporarily, at least). 

 

So if you are standing outside of my office, or outside of my FB account, please don’t take it personally.  I just needed a break to think my own thoughts.  Of course YOU can always find me here.