Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Archives for April 7, 2008

"Being" self-destructive

by

There is the stubborn, self-destructive being that is taking over yet again.  Although subtle, my own voice can be heard clearly warning me, "You don’t want to eat that."  This being even agrees that I don’t want to eat these things, but it doesn’t talk me out of it.  Instead it says, "Yeah.  So what.  Eat it any way!"  So, I do.

Then, my voice can be heard on the brink of tears.  It urges me to exercise.  The being talks me out of that idea as well – without much coaxing I might add.

It had better be gone tomorrow.

That’s just how it is

by

I got back into the van, after filling up my gas tank – thus draining my bank account of all of my hard-earned money. YaYa was in the back with my iPod.

As I began to drive, I could hear Tom’s voice saying, “Come on Julie, you’re almost there…” Startling thought it was, it didn’t take long for me to realize the source of the voice. The blend of voices and music that followed was familiar to me. DD had recorded Tom and kids’ voices and mixed it to a lively beat for encouragement on my long runs and races. I never dreamed that it would one day serve as the only way my son would be able to hear his own Dad’s voice again.

The song finished, and immediately it began again, and again. At the stoplight, I looked back at YaYa to check his face for tears. “Are you okay?” I asked. His answer was quiet, but the response was “yes.” I turned back towards the front of my car, just as a tear rolled down my cheek. The light turned green and, just like that, we were wiping away our tears and moving forward once again.

No longer is it strange to find that the process of filling up is completely draining. That’s just how it is these days.

Then you move onward.

[Read more…]

Content Protected Using Blog Protector By: PcDrome.