Take it from me, raising a teenager is difficult work. Add the death of a father, and it all gets pretty complex.
It only took me ten months to realize that I’ve been hurting my son, rather then helping him, by being focused too much on the loss. In the process, I’ve stood by and watched his grades plummet and struggle with poor decision making.
By the time that my heart ache had gotten so bad that I wondered if I was having subtle signs of a heart attack, I realized (finally) that it was time to generate some courage.
It is easy to say the words "I love you," but it is really hard to show the love by saying "NO."
Everybody with teenagers goes through this kind of stuff. I know it is exacerbated in your situation. Telling you what to do is not the answer. Helping with HOW to go about it is the voice of experience. Everybody’s situation is different. You have some hard work ahead of you, and I don’t envy you having to go it alone. Accept help where it makes sense, discard it where it doesn’t, but most importantly, yes, take care of yourself, you need to be strong whatever direction it takes.