The year certainly left plenty of room for improvement. From the very beginning, to the end, the year kept me in constant effort to maintain the will to go on. There were a lot of hurdles, as you will see, but mixed in was a few special moments were our family came together to recover from a year of loss. It’s still very rocky, but we haven’t given up. We go onward, and look to 2008 for better times.
Recovering from an overuse injury, I returned to streets. It was a little rough starting out again. I had righteous days and had to adjust my priorities along the way. I sought out an amazing and hip coach to help me build a strong running base and target a fall marathon. I even registered to make it real.
My foot issues continued and, in an effort to keep running, I did some experimentation by trying out numerous combinations of inserts, orthotics, and metatarsal cushions. This was all in the effort to live well and thrive and enjoy some runs once again. While I found little things to complain about in my blog, the big stuff was just about to be discovered.
My life was turned upside down in a blink of an eye when we suddenly discovered a tumors all over my husband’s body. Initially, the doctors tried to give us other reasons for the “masses.” We tried to hold onto hope, while the biopsy results were still pending, but we knew that it had to be Cancer. The uncertainty proved confusion for all and my siblings resorted reading my blog when they couldn’t get a straight answer. My request for photos to be included in your posts, yielded surprising results. I tried to reciprocate in return as I cared for my husband and delayed posting the whole story until well after the end. What seemed like an eternity of pain and suffering (for Tom), hyperventilation, and battles as his caregiver was over in a flash. I was left searching my senses for links to my husband.
BoBo turned 15 years old. In a moment of weakness, I agreed to let him have a coed party. I learned that “fine” isn’t always fine, resorted to prayer, and returned to marathon training again. I struggled with the post-death procedures of closing accounts and the like. After a short trip to Sonoma, I returned to work. I also won a contest where Runner Susan topped my blog.
I was faced with time alone with myself when the kids went off to camp. The yearning stage of my grieving was kick started. When the family was reunited again, we scattered Tom’s ashes on his Birthday. Running continued to be a great distraction. When the pain hit, I tried to get out for a run. My training was now getting intense. But that didn’t stop us from taking another vacation.
I returned from vacation hearing rumors of another round of layoffs. I tried to stay positive, and then it happened. Not only would there be layoffs; the whole company was shutting down.
Support groups started and before long it seemed that there was nothing else in our lives but bereavement activities. My training started feeling it too. Perhaps it was the intensified grieving or perhaps it was from my blood pressure medications. I packed up my old office, bid my pals farewell, and started a new job.
Then, there was my Chicago Marathon experience. It was a great family trip, but the race was disappointing. I began working on plan b as soon after my return home, and consulted the magic eight ball for advice. My grieving has its ups and downs, and the pain still hits me like a giant wave from time to time.
One month prior to race day, I was nervous about my dull affect regarding my race. I got through my first wedding anniversary since Tom died, and knew that the holidays were on their way. It wouldn’t be easy, but as I tried to notice the gifts that I am left with, I had hope. My breast lump got bigger and had to be taken out. The biopsy results gave me one more thing to give thanks for on Thanksgiving.
Another marathon completed, and still no BQ. My sadness increased with another change in seasons, and a three-week break between support group sessions. Santa visited our house. My rash decision led to a black eye. [oh, I forgot to mention that the 1st dog I looked at – the one we actually waited four hours to see – jumped up and put his paw in my eye]. We got a cutie out of the whole deal.