I hate when I try to do something nice and it just blows up my face. I hate it…HATE it. I am angry again, sad, lonely, and frustrated. And my head is about to explode.
I know this feeling will soon pass, but I have my moments. I was just in my car and thought that if I’d just get in a really bad accident, it would all be over. There would be no more pain…for me anyway.
Then, I think of my boys.
I did it again.
I over booked myself this past weekend.
Unfortunately, the coming weekends don’t look any better.
It all began on Friday with the high school football game. My attendance was not required, but I went anyways. Not only was BoBo not playing, his school was not playing. I did enjoy catching up with the parents from the old ‘hood. It also prevented excess driving and thus wasted gasoline.
On Saturday, eye exams for YaYa and me took over the morning. I found myself late for the meet up in the city and slightly overwhelmed with being late. YaYa and I had a great time but we were wiped out by the time BART dropped us at the van. It was pretty late by the time we were finally snuggled in bed.
Sunday brought flag football, a 16 mile run, and dinner with a new friend who’s family has also lost a loved one this year. I felt the coming of a menstrual migraine by the end of the day. Meanwhile, we are out of the important food items such as milk, and have an ever growing pile of clothes that need laundering.
Time is just running away from me these days. I sure could use a couple more hours of daylight (each day) so that I can catch up.