So lovely is the juxtaposing of this dead and decaying tree and the delicate wildflowers. Death and Life. Life and death.
Today, when i look at the GPS tracking of my latest adventure, I reflect on where I’ve been both on this trip, as well as in the past many years. It’s more than just the miles; it is the physical, emotional, and spiritual work that naturally transpires from one point to the next. Each marker, indicating where we set up camp at the day’s end, corresponded with an energy or emotion which I was working through that day. Likewise, the trip in itself is representative of one more segment, or leg, of my life’s journey.
When I think back to the me of yesteryear, I am surprised at how differently I view life. In some ways, and on some days, I am more the same as before but on most I am vastly different.
Of course losing your husband, then your job, and then having a cancer scare of your own has a way of putting hurdles in ones way. Hurdles that appear as walls on many an occasion. Nevertheless, even when I look at myself before all of this tragedy, I see a woman with little certainty and whose identity was so tied up in being a wife and mother that she was somewhat lost in situations out of those roles.
But I faked it well.
I am happy with who I have become and what I have created. Moreover, I am excited about who I am becoming. Yes, I’ve come a long way but there is so much more to this journey than what the GPS devices can track. I guess, maybe, that’s why I have this blog.
We hit this meadow on day one. I think my mouth fell open in awe of the beauty that is just waiting for you to finally arrive.
My first thought was this: They call it Paradise Valley for a reason.
Coming out of the woods, and reintegrating back into civilization, has been a bit of a challenge. I feel like a deer in the woods, timid as I assess the safety of each interaction. A few cars whoosh past us, cut us off, then slow way down as we drive home. It feels so surreal, like it isn’t really happening.
I’m tired and my head is fogged. Illness is trying to take hold of me, and I’m trying to hold it back. Similarly, I feel the tug of email, text messages, and the social networks. I will refrain from making an appearance for a bit. I’m not ready for that. The break from it all has been nice.
Even when YaYa calls to ask if he can go with a friend to a baseball game in the coming week, I refrain from making any decisions. This can wait until my return, just as everything else.
Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the sky
All is well, safely rest
God is nigh.
Fading light dims the sight
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright
From afar, drawing near
Falls the night.
Thanks and praise for our days
Neath the sun, neath the stars, neath the sky
As we go, this we know
God is nigh.