When I think back, I can remember a time when waking up in the morning was accompanied by the strong want to pull the covers over my head and hibernate. Of course I didn’t. Whenever I’ve allowed myself to sulk in self-pity, it’s been short lived. I have responsibilities and, quite frankly, I haven’t the time.

This year there is an awareness that I may be in a new place. It snuck up on me but I have noticed that I am more or less content with my life these days. Sure, I want more: more stability, financial stability, and more [what ever]. But this thing I’ve got going is good. I’ve got a good job, good home, and good people around me. What more could I ask for?

I know that there will still be sad days that spring up from time to time, but today I am embracing the new awareness of yet another beginning.

I must admit, I hesitate to post this…

You may recall that last year, after the shedding of many tears at the finish line in Napa, I was very positive moving into the 2-year mark. Then, I was knocked off my rocker so-to-speak when the treadmill and I had our “falling out.” The scars from that experience are ever present both emotionally and physically.

But I NEED to take notice of the good — and embrace it.

OMG!  I started watching this movie and got HOOKED.  Of course, not everyone will see this movie in the way that I do.  To me, the title speaks more to the love that is lost (rather than what the trailer might lead you to believe). It also has sort of a shit happens paradigm too.

I actually like that the movie is presented as a love story but that it is more about grief than anything else.  I might not have downloaded it tonight had I known the real storyline.

The movie does a good job of illustrating the stuckness that can and does occur on one’s journey. Even more, it does a fantastic job of portraying how good some are at pretending to have healed.

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Different people have different approaches to kicking off the new year. It’s been a long time since I’ve referred to resolutions of any sort. Yet each year, the underlying question looms: What will I do differently this year?

In 2008, Jen (aka Positively Mom) first took on a one-little-word approach to the new year which she read about on Ali Edwards’ site. The basic idea is that you pick a single word to inspire you for the year. It is something you strive towards as the year progresses.

The moment I read about the one little word idea, I LOVED it. It’s simple and, at the same time, complex. It has the whole New Years’ Resolutions feel but without the long list of items you look at a year from now and come up with reasons why none of it happened. I’ve decided that I must take on the one little word approach too.

So…after much consideration, my little word of 2010 is: HEALTH (Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Financial…)

What’s your word for 2010?

During Saturday’s Annual Ho Ho Ho Run, Mark described how this year he got a grocery store tree instead of heading into the mountains to cut one down as he usually does.  Earlier in the week my friend, Wendy admitted doing the same. And as my friends’ deviate from their Christmas tree traditions, I found myself doing the same.

One factor that came into play this year was my little car.  It seems the MommyVan was good for things like dog hauling and tree toting.  *sigh*  But another consideration was the one that hit hard: it seems that the majority of the Christmas season would NOT be spent at home.  And if I’m not going to be home, than is it right to kill a tree just so my home will smell like Christmas when I am?

I decided that an artificial tree made a whole lot of sense and soon we were heading off to find just the right one.  That was easier said than done.  Have you seen how much these trees cost?  I selected a 6′ tree, brought it home, and immediately began assembly.  Right away, I didn’t like it.  The tree was anorexic looking.  Don’t the artificial tree makers know that Christmas trees are supposed to be wider at the bottom.

As we began hanging the ornaments, I became more and more depressed.  While our tree trimming experience was slightly different from last year, there remains the same underlying sadness.  Our family still feels broken. With DD staying in Southern California for the holidays, I began wondering how I could manage to find joy in the day.  More importantly, how would I ever bring enough joy to the day for my boys’ sake?

I took a break from the tree trimming and went upstairs for a hot shower.  Almost immediately, I realized how silly it was to keep a tree that I didn’t like.  I yelled down to YaYa to remove the ornaments so that we could return the tree and get one that we would like year after year.

Unfortunately, the tree that I wanted was sold out — in all 3 stores that we went to.  At one point, I sat in my car in tears. Lil Sis talked me down off the ledge.  Focus on the positive, she urged.

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