Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Archives for September 10, 2009

this ain’t working

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Officially, I have been working at the new location for a full week now.

Exploring: Work running routes

Highlights from the first week (“tweets” from @iJuls):

  • I’m in utter chaos!
  • Hour plus commute makes iJuls a very cranky girl. At least we’re half-way through the work week. Have a good day folks.
  • Some people are friendly here and others not so much. The trick is figuring out who’s who.
  • 1 hour 30 minutes, with 2 minutes to penalty fees (work to YaYa’s school).
  • I’d close my office door right now to hide the tears but I don’t have one anymore. I’m in a room with 20+ people – located next to the files.

It’s a factory and I must produce, produce, produce. Oh, and I should do it using their standard operating procedures (which I haven’t had time to train on). In short, it is as awful as I anticipated — worse even.

My attempts to come up with a list of positives was a pointless. Here is my best attempt:

  • Because the acoustics are so atrocious, we are given ear-canceling headphones to wear while we work. I get to sit in my cubicle and block out the world.
  • There is a great cafeteria. I’ve been bringing my lunch but, if I were to forget it, I wouldn’t starve.
  • I’ve already found one running route, equipped with dirt and a short hill.
  • I have a young man who is assigned to help me.  He’s hard working and catching on quickly which is a huge help since I have the workload of the 7 people who worked at the last place.  Unfortunately, he is assigned to help others too.

Unfortunately, runs at work probably won’t be happening. The one day that I ventured, the 30 minutes (plus quick shower) transformed my one hour commute into one and a half hours. YaYa was the last to be picked up from extended care and I was just minutes shy of having to lay down the bucks for my tardiness.*sigh*

in the raw

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This morning, I feel like I’ve sold my soul to save my son’s. Perhaps that is an exaggeration of emotions. It’s just after 6 am and my feelings are raw from an email exchange that started late last week. More accurately, the “exchange” portion occurred last night. I was too numb to reply before that. This morning, I am waking up to the response to my brave attempt to voice an opposing opinion. It did not go over well.

The issue is a matter of whether it is right to “celebrate” BoBo’s completion of the military academy. My brother-in-law, who has gone over and above on my son’s behalf, feels that doing so would send the wrong message — that being that BoBo’s work is done at a time when he should be picking up speed. While I agree that a “celebration” could possibly be inappropriate, I also believe that his Mother being absent would convey a lack of pride in BoBo making things right, and perhaps even a lack of love. Furthermore, I feel that YaYa would receive a healing by being there at the event.

It took everything in me to ask for help and send my son away. My brother-in-law, his wife, and even his own sons (during their visits home) have sacrificed a lot for him. And BoBo has not always been on his best behavior. In short, BoBo has put them through the wringer.

In the time that they have had him, they have asked for very little from me. At their request, I have stayed mainland side so as not to confuse their authority. I have also supported them in their decisions. Now, all they ask is that I remain on the mainland for this as well.

The request breaks my heart. Breaks it, I tell you. It feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest.

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