This morning, I feel like I’ve sold my soul to save my son’s. Perhaps that is an exaggeration of emotions. It’s just after 6 am and my feelings are raw from an email exchange that started late last week. More accurately, the “exchange” portion occurred last night. I was too numb to reply before that. This morning, I am waking up to the response to my brave attempt to voice an opposing opinion. It did not go over well.
The issue is a matter of whether it is right to “celebrate” BoBo’s completion of the military academy. My brother-in-law, who has gone over and above on my son’s behalf, feels that doing so would send the wrong message — that being that BoBo’s work is done at a time when he should be picking up speed. While I agree that a “celebration” could possibly be inappropriate, I also believe that his Mother being absent would convey a lack of pride in BoBo making things right, and perhaps even a lack of love. Furthermore, I feel that YaYa would receive a healing by being there at the event.
It took everything in me to ask for help and send my son away. My brother-in-law, his wife, and even his own sons (during their visits home) have sacrificed a lot for him. And BoBo has not always been on his best behavior. In short, BoBo has put them through the wringer.
In the time that they have had him, they have asked for very little from me. At their request, I have stayed mainland side so as not to confuse their authority. I have also supported them in their decisions. Now, all they ask is that I remain on the mainland for this as well.
The request breaks my heart. Breaks it, I tell you. It feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest.