Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Archives for April 2009

Analyze this

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Following a deep discussion on lingering fears about loss of loved ones, I hung up the phone and fell off to sleep.

I am in the ICU, sitting on the toilet of all places, when a code begins.  Suddenly, I am in the midst of chaos — needles flying, and glass falling .  I try to leave, when a needle stick occurs to my right ankle.  I begin feeling woozy and the scene changes…

In the next scene, I am at the beach with YaYa enjoying the calm effect the ocean has on me. YaYa asks to go swimming and I agree, reminding him to not go out too far.  On this day, he walks out very far — farther than he ever would — as if drawn by a greater force.  From the shore, I call to him asking him to come back in towards shore.  I hear a woman gasp behind me, calling out  “Oh NO! Watch out!”  A sheet of blackness falls like a curtain, leaving me in total blackness.

I can hear YaYa screaming for me.  His voice comes from far out in the water and off to my right.  He’s beginning to panic.  “Mom!  MOM!  Where ARE you?”  I call back, “YaYa!” and move toward his voice.  I AM panicking too.

As YaYa’s voice falls silent, I am overwhelmed with fear.  I hear a man’s voice assuring me, “I’ve got him.”  Thank God, I think.  Then, the curtain of blackness rises. I watch a man carries my son in his arms, completely UNDERWATER, and walking effortlessly toward the shore.  The distance is endless — impossible for any human to survive.  Yet, moments later, they emerge from the depths of the ocean, and YaYa is delivered to my arms.  He opens his eyes immediately and gives me a big hug.  He is completely fine.  I cannot thank the man enough but his manner is one of no-big-deal, like it’s something he does everyday.

I woke from my dream to find YaYa sleeping peacefully beside me.  The clock displayed the time; it was 1:08 am, only 20 minutes after I had hung up the phone with W.

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Utensils, no longer provided

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Our small pharmaceutical company is being acquired by a much larger bio-pharm firm.  The deal finally was signed last night and will become official on Friday.  The impact, however, hit hard last week.

On Monday of last week, the suits began their travels through our hallways ,and plans were launched. In the week that followed, several of the suits took up residence in the empty offices in my little area.  Then, I watched my friends and colleagues nervously wait their turn to interview with the hopes of keeping their job.

This week, the little somethings that I’ve become accustomed to have slowly run out.  The restocking of these items does not appear to be on the list of priorities.  The milk is low and the forks are completely gone.  Let me tell you, it can be done, but it’s a little challenging to eat salad with a spoon.

It’s hard times these days and all companies are cutting back.  I can appreciate the need to minimize expenses. I guess I shouldn’t have taken things like plastic forks and spoons for-granted in the first place.  1st it’s forks, then the coffee, and eventually who knows.  I may have to bring my own toilet paper next.  You just don’t know how far they will go to save a buck.

Treadmill demons

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Treadmill demonI loading up my workout bag with hopes of escaping for a mid-day run on Friday. That was before I remembered my therapy appointment — which lasted 1 1/2 hours. Subsequently, I had not been at work very long by the time noon rolled around.

But, later in the evening, I found enough time to retreat to the gym for a quick run on the treadmill. YaYa waited in the cafe with a plate load of eats while I faced my treadmill demons. Unless you count brief jogs, such as from inside YaYa’s school to the MommyVan (when we were late for baseball), this was the run since falling on the treadmill.

I figured on a bit of apprehension but was truly surprised at the level of fear that I encountered as the belt got moving. I had chosen a different model with the hopes that it would be easier. Instead, the unfamiliarity created a huge amount of uncertainty.

Just as the beast was beginning to get a move on, I reached for the safety tether. Accidently knocking the connection free, I discovered that this treadmill does not gradually come to a stop — it stops on a dime. With images of me face-planting into the front of the machinery, I was NOT at all comfortable with this.

Fear heightened, I ran along at a speed of 6.0 mph. During the entire 1st mile, my right hand held the side rail. Into the 2nd mile, I released my grip intermittently. That was only after slowing to a walk and take deep relaxing breaths between miles. My heart rate was in the high 170s to low 180s. By the 3rd mile, I was running hands-free once again.

Mission accomplished — somewhat. I expect it will be easier next time around. Still, I think my next run will be outside.

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