The other day, I received an email from my dear friend asking me what the right thing to do when someone dies is. With her question, she apologized for possibly stirring up the pain around my own loss. And of course no apology is ever needed — I am happy to make good of my painful journey.
I told her that if she offered the typical ‘Is there anything that I can do?‘ to please be ready to offer suggestions. It is so hard to know what help you need until you need it — and don’t have the the time to ask. I gave her a list of things that people have done for me to ease my struggle and was surprised to find it was rather lengthy. Of course my friend was among those who has helped me (and still is).
My friend wasn’t like those who ask “what can I do?” and never do anything at all. She made good of it, ‘cuz that is just the type of person she is.
As I said, my friend continues to give of herself for my benefit. This is so nice because as you may or may not know, the pain never goes away completely, it just changes. And everyday is just a little bit different.
This weekend, as YaYa burst into tears once again, and each week as I kneel down in church saying my “hello” to Tom and ask God to give me the strength that I need to keep on fighting my way through the pain, I give thanks for the many acts of kindness. Big and small, it all adds up to a whole lot of love.
I hold my son and we let go of a little more pain for the injustice of it all – it IS different. We don’t have to like it but we do need to make the best of it. So… after hearing YaYa’s complaint that BoBo and his Dad are not with us to play games, pick on us, and laugh with, we try to make the best of it. Two hours of Wii Fit followed by hot chocolate, cookies and watching the Oscar’s together and we are okay once more.
We head off to bed, give thanks for the many blessings. And I look forward to the opportunity to make right out the wrong anytime I can. Please do not hesitate to ask.
thanks for this, I’ve been worried that I panicked and rushed to you for advice without thinking.
I think because I have followed along here, that maybe I realized almost immediately how long this journey will be.
For some the funeral will be closure, until they want to call or gather. But what I know is how every day will be different, and…ack.
There is nothing to say…that doesn’t sound contrite or just stupid.
Thank you for allowing to lean on you this week.
Thank God for hot chocolate. I tell my friends that just their presence is enough. Its hard just to “be” in the face of grief and I was very appreciative of those that could sit with me and stick it out.