I ran the dog down the street yesterday. We were going to run around the block, but something happened. In a sudden moment I was gasping for air. This wasn’t your usual “I am out of shape” shortness of breath. My airway felt tight and I felt as if I was going to die. I stopped, tried to relax and turned back towards the busy street. If I were to pass out, I’d be seen. I feared that it meant that something horrible was happening back at home. But when I was back home, my breathing was normal again and everything was as I had left it.
Back at home, the “new norm” concept was thrown out the window. Our life has made a 360-degree turn – like it or not. Anything-resembling “normal” got thrown out the window early this week.
Another trip to the ER revealed strokes. I guess tumors in the brain weren’t bad enough. Hospice services were started up and the family has been updated on the actual prognosis.
It seems that the oncology doctor hadn’t quite conveyed Tom’s finality to us in exact terms. Either that or he was thrown for a loop as much as we were. I have no idea where his reference to “1 year” survival had come from. That was what we were told on our first meeting with him.
Within days of the leaving the hospital (the first time), Tom was visibly heading down the slippery slope. It seems that we are now dealing with mere “weeks” of our time with him.
My husband’s has been cut short. My life has turned upside down, and the kid’s life has been turned inside out. ALL of us *will* be okay, eventually, but right now…my head just hurts.