It’s early enough in the new year to still be able to enjoy the holiday lights and ornaments. Soon, they will be gone. I take in the loveliness during this evening’s dog walks.
Fearing the Inevitable
Once again, I am in awe that another year is behind us. Time seems to be picking up speed as it flies past us. My fear of missing out on life’s precious moments is increasing. What’s more, I have found myself alone a lot more these days — as my sons grow more and more independent. The reality that BoBo will soon be moving out and heading south follows with the inevitability that young YaYa will soon be doing the same. As I sit with this truth, all by myself, I take note of how lonely my evenings have become. And I wonder what I will do to fill the emptiness.
It’s good that my sons are heading in this direction. It is what parents want for their children. I mean, I have a list of things I had planned to do after they leave the nest — such as a trip to Mysore India to practice at the KPJAYI, finishing my yoga teacher certification and perhaps actually teaching yoga. I figured I’d be remarried by this time and that I wouldn’t be alone. But I guess I too am growing up and becoming independent. Whoa! That’s a new concept, isn’t it?
Ha!. I am a slow learner.
Try as I might, I cannot fight the inevitable. Honestly, I want to see them grow and become independent.
Whatever my future holds, I am certain that they and *I* will be okay.
Until then, I am trying to relax a little, continue to enjoy being with them whenever I can, and trust that everything will indeed be okay when they are both on their own.
And if I pick up a few skills in the process than that would be good too.
right path; self-awareness
While preparing to leave India, and return to the states, I set an intention to head down the “right” path. By this I mean, a path which fosters righting thinking (well-meaning and without judgement), right words (filled with kindness and love), and right action (leading in such a way that one hopes others will follow). There were other specifics to my intention, but this gives you the general idea.
As we begin a new year, I reflect on the intention I made while in India. Thinking right thoughts, speaking right words, and doing the right action all of the time is easier said than done. Jealous, irrational thoughts can make you want to ask questions which you needn’t ask. A simple but unfinished chore might have a similar response.
Although I might veer off-course from time to time, I intend to keep trying to follow the path of righteousness. With this general gist in mind, I search for my little word of the year and come up with many ideas. Compassion, ease, gratitude…just to name a few. None of them quite hit the mark.
Then, I came upon the words “self-awareness” in my teacher training text “Anatomy of Hatha Yoga.” It spoke of practicing self-awareness and compassionate to circumvent injury. Yet I feel that with a broader view of these little words, the Noble Eightfold Path from which the right intentions (thought, speech, action) come from can be taken into account as well.
one little word (2012)
Every year-end, I swear the calendar year whooshed past faster than the prior. 2011 was no different. As I reflect upon the passing year I aim to set the energy for the one to come much like it did in 2010 when I chose HEALTH is my one-little-word for the year.
In 2011, I did not set the energy ahead of time. I’m not sure why. In reading through my posts from the year I find that the theme of 2011 was PATIENCE. Numerous set-backs, injuries, illness, and other hurdles tried to interfere with me having Boston — but I modified my goals, my training, and my lodging plans. In the end I got to enjoy the fruits of my labor and celebrate the race on my terms.
After Boston came more set-backs, injuries, illness, and hurdles. I took a break from running for 6 months (with numerous attempts and fails in returning to running). Patience came later. I filled my time with cycling — training for my 1st century. But even with that, I was impatient. I did not like being slow. I did not enjoy struggling to climb the hills. Fortunately, I persisted and, after a good deal of time, I saw improvement.
I also took up yoga, discovered how much weaker my right lower extremity is from my left. The difference is staggering, especially in balance poses, and it is the one area where I struggle with patience. Which brings me to 2012.
In 2012, I want more stability and strength. I want BALANCE — and so that will be my one little word for this coming year. And I figure, why wait until tomorrow to start working on it…
Why NOT end 2011 with a little balance? What better way to kick off the new year than by ending the current one “on the right foot” — literally and figuratively?
Happy New Year everyone!