There’s nothing like inviting a few people over for dinner to bring out the inner-critic. Whether it is as little as two or a many as 15, I’ve always had a tough time with the whole entertaining thing. In preparing for my most recent entertaining attempt (a lasagna dinner for The Man and his family), I did my best to hold back the feelings of inadequacy. I had limited time to get the tables out, the dinner cooked, and the usual clutter picked up.

When my inner-critic began making it’s appearance, I posted the following question to FB: Why is it that we are our toughest critics? I hoped for a little more encouragement but it didn’t come. I suppose everyone was out shopping for Christmas presents. Christmas shopping will be my next encounter with my inner-critic. It always is. But that is a topic for another post.

Somehow, I managed to keep my inner-critic at bay long enough to cook up 3 large lasagnas, garlic bread, and some vegetables steamed in chicken broth. A meal as simple as this was all I could manage and I hoped that it would be enough for the folks that were included on the invite.

Meanwhile, the guilt for where I ended up drawing the line on the invites was, and still is, in full attack mode. There were so many others who I really would have liked to have included. I lost a lot of sleep over this. So much that I had to chase down my physician for a renewal of my Ambien prescription.

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When you toss a pebble into a still lake, you watch the ripple effect as it disrupts the peacefulness of the surrounding water. It is like that when two people decide to split up. Unlike the lake, the effects are lifelong for many other than just the couple.

The children are the obvious victims. Even in the best of situations, the tug-o-war for visitation will cause tension for-EVER. Christmas Eve with Mom, Christmas night with Dad, and trying to do your own family thing at home. If, like in my family, your spouse has a child from their prior marriage, you will be trying to coordinate it all with their visits as well. Maybe Dad gets pushed off until the day after; maybe Mom gets moved instead. No matter how you juggle it, it may always seem like your are disappointing someone. In all likelihood, you are doing just fine. Chances are, they are feeling much the same about disappointing you.

Look back at the ripple effect: Instead of looking at the ripples as causing a disruption, consider how the change might be good. Now look at you and how your interaction (a simple text message, phone call, or visit) changes someone’s world just a little bit. It’s not that you could’ve done more; it’s that you did something. I mean, let’s face it, it’s the little things people do that mean so much.

The season of sweet, gooey goodness is in full swing. Beautifully presented baked goods are arriving in the break room at work on a daily basis. At home, we’ve also been baking up banana bread and oatmeal cookies in the spirit of the season. Although the bulk of these treats have been wrapped up and gifted out, my bath room scale is reminding me to keep my lips tightly zipped shut until I resume endurance-level training.

And…since I can’t seem to run a short 4 mile lunchtime run without scraping up my knees, upper thigh, and both sides of my left hand, endurance-level training is not on the horizon. Fortunately, I have been able to enjoy some pain-free, vibram-donned, off-pavement runs.

In my world, being able to run is perhaps just as delicious as one of those sweet, gooey treats that has everyone from work rushing to the breakroom to taste.

It’s the Third Sunday of Advent. Most likely, it is also the 3rd week of the church’s instituiting the new revisions of the mass service. Although I haven’t been attending mass on a regular basis, I found that I wasn’t far behind the congregation in adopting the new script. All were either saying the ingrained response (now incorrect) or awkwardly reading along with the laminated cards found in each of the pews.

I felt like I did back as child: lost. Only now, there is no one to follow as nobody seems to have a grasp (even a loose one) of the changes. And as I read new words such as “And with your spirit,” I am left wondering who came up with these words? I mean, seriously! Even after the words become ingrained, I doubt it will even sound any less awkward than it does today. And “Consubstantial”! That’s just not a word that you use everyday…or every week.

I’m missing the point, apparently. Perhaps if  I understood, I might be more willing to embrace the changes. Instead, I feel inclined to step back from something that returning to, after years of absence, truly brought me comfort in a time of extreme pain. At that time, it was the the lack of change that made me feel welcome — like returning to the home you grew up in for the holidays.

Fortunately, today’s homily spoke right to my heart. That change, was refreshing. So I guess I’ll go back.

I remember a time where I was driven solely by an event being on my calendar. Make that an event where registration was paid. If signs of apathy (i.e. weigh gain and/or addition flab to the midsection), I took it as a signal to find an event to train for. I found it odd that I couldn’t find the time to care for myself, before others, unless I was committed.

Or maybe it was that those who I was caring for didn’t give me the time and space unless there was money invested. Who knows?

Generally, this is the time of year that I start making goals and picking events for the upcoming year. So far, I’ve no desire to do that. I’m content to do my own thing without being married to a training schedule. I’m uncommitted to any sport or event right now.

Put simply, I am enjoying the freedom to run or bike, do yoga or hike. I like being able to go for whatever distance or time my heart desires. Maybe I go for a hike and stop at the water for some impromptu yoga poses. Perhaps I do some yoga at home, then head out for a run. It’s different but kind of cool.

It matters not what activity I choose but simply that I choose something. That, all by itself, is motivating.