In my home, where the testosterone runs high, doing anything “like a girl” is used as an insult. I usually just ignore it because it just isn’t worth the fight. When I came home from my weekend with “the girls”, the boys were all watching football on TV. I said, “and *look* at my ‘medal'”, as I showed BoBo and YaYa my necklace – I think the inflection in my voice told them that this was something special. Then I showed off my race shirt, which I am wearing. BoBo read the tag line, “Ran like a girl” and laughed. I just smiled and walked away to get an ice pack.
Towards a Positive Future
My relief that no fracture was seen on the x-ray was short lived. Worry set in as the pain continues, and the problem goes on unidentified. In the afternoon, I surfed the net since I couldn’t do my normal routine of running. I discovered some troubling possibilities of how bad off things could be. My imagination ran out of control and I fell into despair.
I was staring at the threat of not being able to run for some unknown period of time. What if I needed surgery? What if I was never able to run again? I crumbled. In this futile state, I wondered if I’d ever be able to run another marathon, let alone qualify for Boston. At that moment, just being able to run and finish a marathon had value.
At home, Tom reminded me of my meditation skills that I could use to push off this threat off. The vision of non-running-Julie was pushed out of my mind. I am determined that this is NOT what I am creating for my future. I refuse to give in. I am creating a positive future for myself. A positive future filled with the joy of running.
Time to cross train
Well I managed to get into SMI, but not with the sports therapist who I usually see. The massage was good, but not a cure all. At first she had me do a few movements of my foot. I explained what caused the pain, and where the pain was. Then she got to work right away.
She worked on my calf muscles – my peroneus, gastrocnemius, and soleus. She followed the muscles down to my foot and began to work the tendons. It hurt in some areas but, surprisingly, there was nothing really excruciating. She continued working on my shin, and the finished up around my ankle. Then she was done.
Rock ‘N Roll (or not)
The down and dirty of it all is that I had another DNF today. DNF stands for “did not finish.” It is not a failure; it just is what it is. I only hope that it isn’t a sign of things to come.
I’m tired of race reports where I plan to do something remarkable and amazing and come back to report a performance that is “less than” what I know I am capable of. I’m tired of admitting that I am human, but the fact is I *am* human. I’ve been failing all too often lately.
From Bizz Johnson (October 2004), Silicon Valley (October 2005), and Grandma’s (June 2006), I have had less than satisfying performances. There was always a reason for my “less than” performance, but I am getting tired of it. CIM 2006 will not be another one of those races. My DNF today, was in an effort to be certain that I don’t have yet another reason for a “less than” marathon finish. I am not proud of my DNF, I am just accepting it. CIM is my race for 2006, and I am not going to sacrifice it for a half marathon.
Ready 2 Rock
My chip is secured to my shoe. The race number is already on my number belt. My running skort, jogbra, favorite red shirt, socks and shoes are all gathered on the floor. Of course Garminia is making her race preparations too – she is really getting all charged up.
I am still rather relaxed. I’m excited, but calm. I managed to get things ready in a short period of time. Now the waiting begins. I love local races. I am all snug in my own bed…until the alarm goes off. That is when I’ll need to pull it all together and go quickly. Race time is 8 am. I am ready to rock.