Do I believe that I can qualify for Boston? It sounds a little daunting when put that way. But if I ask myself if I believe that I have what it takes to finish a marathon in 4 hours or less, the answer is YES!
Portland: This might hurt a little
Before running CIM (2007), Coach Jeff thought it good that I was so relaxed. It was, I suppose, because when the foot pain caused me to slow the point of wanting to DNF — thus missing yet another BQ — I was not devastated. By then I had come to learn how insignificant achieving Boston Qualification (BQ) was in comparison to all that 2007 had dished out. However, 2007 was three (nearly four) years ago. I’ve made further attempts and have experienced many more failures.
Today, as I feel relaxed with intermittent bursts of frenzied worry, I wonder if I’ve gotten used to just running the marathon rather than racing it. I listen to Jeff as he tells me “remember, your racing this. you’re not running it…” and I wonder if that part of me died with my husband or if it can still be accessed.
Last night I was asked “Why haven’t you qualified after 16 marathons?” I had no answer. Honestly, do we ever know the why of anything? Why did I get blazing hot temperatures at Chicago 2007? Why did I have stomach issues, a foot injury… why didn’t the stars align?
I think back to those days: crying in later miles when I found myself unable to keep pace, my body moving slower and slower with each passing mile. How well I’d run to that point no longer mattered. My BQ was lost and I was devastated. The failure consumed me for the several days that followed. As I remember, it starts to consume me once more.
I fall into this sea of failed BQ attempt and start to drown in it. And while I do believe that a little analysis of prior failures is fine, it’s only okay to willingly go down into the sea pain if you pull yourself back up.
Leave it
My suitcase is on the bedroom floor, slowly collecting up stuff to take to Portland. As life goes on, I resist the urge to remove any items which I’ve deposited fearing they’d never make it back and subsequently be forgotten. As a result I learn to do without items thought to be essential to my everyday activities. My VFF Bikilas and Ms. G fall into this essentials-left-behind category.
Caffeine is another item which falls into this category – not because I fear I’ll leave it behind. Certainly there are coffee shops in Portland. The fear is that I’ll *need* my routine morning fix and will not be able to satisfy it before the gun fires. Most coffee shops aren’t serving Soy Lattes at o’dark thirty. The only problem is that I’m now dragging my sorry butt around the office trying to stay awake.
This final week of marathon taper is difficult enough. While running has dwindled down to next-to-nothing, my emotions and tension are skyrocketing. And while others-also-in-taper are ripping off heads, I am undoing my hydration efforts by spilling precious fluids down my cheeks. I’m not sure which is worse.
Thankfully, I get to do some running – not a lot but some. Let me tell you, it sure was nice to slip on my VFF Treks and run off a bit of my anxiety and emotion. I was able to leave much of it behind, however, I think I left all of my energy out there too.
On second thought, that’s probably a product of my caffeine taper.
BQ or Bust
Many thanks to those of you who offered up your power-song. My playlist (minus little sound bites from a few really special people) has been finalized. If your curious about what I’ve choosen — perhaps looking for a few good songs to move you while on the run — you can check it out HERE.
Note: You will need an iTunes account to access. If you don’t have one, perhaps a friend can help you view it.
What’s YOUR power-song?
I’m currently working on creating a playlist for race day. For those of you who run with music, you know how powerful the right music and, similarly, or how feeble the wrong music can be. So after noting how my power-songs have lost their oomph, I put out the call (via FB) asking for suggestions.
My plea yielded a good helping of songs yet, although many great songs were suggested, very few made the cut. I’ve always know it, but I guess I’ve never acknowledged just how personal my racing playlist is to me. I’ve got 2 ½ hours of motivating music so far – most of which were in myTunes already. It’s an eclectic collection of all sorts.
I’m looking for a few (or so) more songs to enhance it — something special – which I just can’t seem to articulate. This is because my want/need remains intangible or undefined. I just know that I will know it when I hear it.
So with that I ask you my dear peeps, what ONE song fires you up — either before or during your BIG event? Don’t give me a long list. Just give me your ONE power-song.