Hello Readers,
Please keep in mind that my posts these days are more of rants – venting and emotional dumping. The “You” referred to in this post if not any specific person, but rather the energies that I have been working in the process. Now that the issue is resolved, I am free to post my thoughts from days past. I hope that if you are ever in a similar situation you can learn from my experience.
~ Julie
Breath in, Breath out
I grabbed my camera and headed out the door for an early run today. I’d slept fairly well, in spite of having gotten up here and there to give Tom his medicines. It was a lovely spring day. I’d noticed the blossoms on the trees and wanted to get a few photos of them.
After the 4th or 5th photo, it occured to me…
Air Hungry
I am not really one to panic. Sure, I stress about things as much as anyone else. Maybe even more. I had considered that my event during the dog run-around-the-block incident was induced by the stuff blowing around in the air. There had been a guy with a blower whose debris seemed to get caught in my throat. So, I really didn’t think much of heading down the street for another brief run. I did need a break from it all.
I wasn’t more than a quarter mile from my home, however, when I began to feel the same feeling coming on. Panic was raging through my body and I was hungry for air. “Oh, NO,” I thought, “this can’t paralyze me.” I slowed up, but kept running. I kept telling myself that I could get through this and that it would be okay if he died when I wasn’t there. I’m more than ready for it. I think that we all are.
But something is not yet done. Something has yet to occur. So today, I pushed through the panic and made myself get away for a while.
Turning 360
I ran the dog down the street yesterday. We were going to run around the block, but something happened. In a sudden moment I was gasping for air. This wasn’t your usual “I am out of shape” shortness of breath. My airway felt tight and I felt as if I was going to die. I stopped, tried to relax and turned back towards the busy street. If I were to pass out, I’d be seen. I feared that it meant that something horrible was happening back at home. But when I was back home, my breathing was normal again and everything was as I had left it.
In Spirit
The fond memories of our courting, the joys that we’ve shared with our children, and without them. It’s been 20 years of adventures.
In the beginning, we shared bicycle riding, poetry, and coffee together. We sat in parks together sipping our cappuccino drinks while he read poems to me (written by him or by wonderfully spoken poets). He awed me with his wisdom and kindness.
I remember my older sister, only knowing him from tough times in the year’s prior, calling me to protest my relationship with him. The man that I was dating was not that “grumpy” man that she had known. She was surprised at whom I had become, almost disbelieving that I could enjoy poetry and literature. She had a lively man picked out for me – someone that she thought was better suited. *sigh* I’d been there, done that; the Mr. Lively type didn’t work well for me.