Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Bereavement Camp

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I was in hostile territory early in the day. BoBo was letting me know, in no uncertain circumstances, that he was NOT happy about having to attend the Bereavement Camp.

I kept thinking about how Tom, if he were alive, would have made it clear to BoBo that he had no choice. His delivery of the message wasn’t always pleasant though; there were times when the whole van was filled with unhappy people going to a “fun” family event…only it wasn’t fun anymore. Then it occurred to me, if Tom was *alive* none of us would be going to today’s camp.

BoBo’s anger only grew as our van traveled the winding road. By the time we arrived (30 minutes early) he was so difficult to be around that YaYa and I left him in the car for a while. After a bit, he joined us in the parking lot and we walked down to the event.

The location was a lovely retreat center located in the mountains. It was so peaceful whereever you went on the property. The staff was friendly and welcoming. BoBo, YaYa and I wandered around to see frogs on lily pads, coi fish, horses, and two very cool dogs. I soon knew that it would be okay.

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Not so bad

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She titled today’s post “Some Runs just bite.” *Hee Hee* I can relate to doing whatever it takes to get out and run. A little exercise goes a long way in changing the mood for the day, or at least keeping the waistline from expanding any further. She describes pushing the jog stroller up steep hills. Hum? I’ve been there – done that.

But those days of pushing jog strollers are gone. Today, YaYa (on his bike) and I (running beside him) hit the trails around my work for my long run. I was trying to fit it in between dropping BoBo off in our old neighborhood and meeting Brit. Tomorrow we will attend the Children’s Grief Camp, so I wanted to get my long run out of the way.

The weather was sunny, but breezy. It felt great to be out. Running on mostly dirt trails, and away from the pedestrian, dog, and cyclist packed bike path that we usually use for the Mother-Son Runs, was a refreshing change. I was looking forward to joining up a couple of my lunchtime routes to make the required 12-14 miles. But things didn’t go as planned.

We’d only traveled about 2 miles when YaYa struggled to make it up a rather easy hill. My mind thought, this is going to be one l-o-n-g run. I was worried about making it back on time to meet up with Brit because of the rate that we were going. But I tried to stay patient. I waited for YaYa to walk his bike up the hill and then began running again. I kept my pace slow (s-l-o-w-e-r than Long Run Pace) so that he could catch up.

I heard him coming up behind me. The sound of something rubbing filled the air with each pedal stroke. The thing was he was wearing shorts, so it couldn’t be his pants. I *hoped* that there was something stuck to his spokes (like at piece of paper). “My bike is making a funny sound, Mom,” he said. I looked back to see his tire completely flat. *sigh*

We turned around and walked back to the office. Tomorrow’s run (or tonight if a miracle happens) will be better.

Still, YaYa and I had a nice run/walk experience. I wouldn’t say that today’s run “bites;” I’d say that it was pleasant. YaYa and I actually had a better time than some of the other runs that we have done together. Although I will still have my long run on my list of things to do, I really don’t mind. It’s a good day.

The bonding continues back at my office, where we are drinking Gatorade and eating Jelly Belly’s (only the black for me), and waiting for our RBF meet up.

Slow-paced morning

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In the am, YaYa and I took our time preparing for work and play. We were both tired from staying up late, and in need of a slow-paced morning.

YaYa played with a borrowed toy while I tried to shower myself to life with hot water and soap. It didn’t work. My body demanded coffee and more coffee, and I complied.

So, with the lunches packed, we were out the door, 40 minutes later than usual, and in a better mood for the challenges of the day. The morning may have been slow-paced, but the day is certainly NOT.

Home again

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We are home again and will soon be back the the hustle and bustle of our everyday life. This is the final entry of all of the vacation posts. To start at the beginning of the vacation CLICK HERE.

Life high up on the side of the volcano is beautiful, peaceful, and amazing. It can also be isolating. If you take away transportation and Internet access is can be down right lonely. I loved waking up to the wind, birds and goats. It was quiet enough to hear the bees buzzing. That was beautiful and frightening – since I am allergic to bee stings.

I have lived much of my life in the shadows of fear. What if a bee had stung me? I was at least an hour away from a hospital with only an epi-pen that expired in August 2005. What if…?

And yet, if I let myself take a deep breath (in AND out), I could let the unordinary occur. I could let myself live. There is a part of me that knows that I will soon be right back to the same as before with fear lurking around every corner. I am still petrified of raising our two sons without him. I realize that I no longer have Tom to navigate for me when I get too scared; I have to be brave and face my fears. I cannot let my fear paralyze me. I have to use it to make me stronger and smarter.

This vacation has served a purpose other than relaxation and slowing me down (life and my running pace alike). It has reminded me of the precious gift of time. Tom and I have been guilty of letting summer after summer, and year after year, pass by without a bona fide “vacation.” We’ve had camping trips on the weekends but not much more than that. I now see that vacations are important to bond the family.

As I think back to the vacations that my parents gave to my siblings and me, I smile. We went camping, motorcycle riding, water skiing, and fishing. We went to Hawaii. While it wasn’t ALL fun and games, it still was a lot fun to see my parents out of the normal routine. What great memories I have of those trips.

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First class

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If you have never flown in first class you are unaware of the frivolous pampering that happens in that part of the cabin. I am told that Hawaiian Airlines is better than most at pampering their guests. BoBo, YaYa and I were lucky enough to enjoy this experience. Flying in coach will never be the same again.

I am sitting next to YaYa sipping guava juice in a cute little champagne glasses. I am catching up on the ongoings of the mainland by perusing the headlines in complimentary newspaper that I just received. People are still boarding the plane and we have already been given a menu to choose three items for our meal. This all is prior to pushback.

Speaking of meals, do you know what they serve in first class? Let me tell you that it is *not* the same as the rest of the plane. It is not the soggy turkey sandwich that made YaYa gag (and nearly puke) which we received on the way over to Oahu.

While BoBo enjoyed a break from us (sitting in the row ahead of us), YaYa and I clinked glasses and watched movies on our digEplayers. Sure, some of the meal was a little too fancy for YaYa’s taste. Our meals were healthy, yummy AND pretty.

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