Home again

We are home again and will soon be back the the hustle and bustle of our everyday life. This is the final entry of all of the vacation posts. To start at the beginning of the vacation CLICK HERE.

Life high up on the side of the volcano is beautiful, peaceful, and amazing. It can also be isolating. If you take away transportation and Internet access is can be down right lonely. I loved waking up to the wind, birds and goats. It was quiet enough to hear the bees buzzing. That was beautiful and frightening – since I am allergic to bee stings.

I have lived much of my life in the shadows of fear. What if a bee had stung me? I was at least an hour away from a hospital with only an epi-pen that expired in August 2005. What if…?

And yet, if I let myself take a deep breath (in AND out), I could let the unordinary occur. I could let myself live. There is a part of me that knows that I will soon be right back to the same as before with fear lurking around every corner. I am still petrified of raising our two sons without him. I realize that I no longer have Tom to navigate for me when I get too scared; I have to be brave and face my fears. I cannot let my fear paralyze me. I have to use it to make me stronger and smarter.

This vacation has served a purpose other than relaxation and slowing me down (life and my running pace alike). It has reminded me of the precious gift of time. Tom and I have been guilty of letting summer after summer, and year after year, pass by without a bona fide “vacation.” We’ve had camping trips on the weekends but not much more than that. I now see that vacations are important to bond the family.

As I think back to the vacations that my parents gave to my siblings and me, I smile. We went camping, motorcycle riding, water skiing, and fishing. We went to Hawaii. While it wasn’t ALL fun and games, it still was a lot fun to see my parents out of the normal routine. What great memories I have of those trips.

My kids deserve the same from me.