This morning, I feel like I’ve sold my soul to save my son’s. Perhaps that is an exaggeration of emotions. It’s just after 6 am and my feelings are raw from an email exchange that started late last week. More accurately, the “exchange” portion occurred last night. I was too numb to reply before that. This morning, I am waking up to the response to my brave attempt to voice an opposing opinion. It did not go over well.
The issue is a matter of whether it is right to “celebrate” BoBo’s completion of the military academy. My brother-in-law, who has gone over and above on my son’s behalf, feels that doing so would send the wrong message — that being that BoBo’s work is done at a time when he should be picking up speed. While I agree that a “celebration” could possibly be inappropriate, I also believe that his Mother being absent would convey a lack of pride in BoBo making things right, and perhaps even a lack of love. Furthermore, I feel that YaYa would receive a healing by being there at the event.
It took everything in me to ask for help and send my son away. My brother-in-law, his wife, and even his own sons (during their visits home) have sacrificed a lot for him. And BoBo has not always been on his best behavior. In short, BoBo has put them through the wringer.
In the time that they have had him, they have asked for very little from me. At their request, I have stayed mainland side so as not to confuse their authority. I have also supported them in their decisions. Now, all they ask is that I remain on the mainland for this as well.
The request breaks my heart. Breaks it, I tell you. It feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest.
I don’t understand all that is going on with the situation, but from my far away point of view, it seems like there should definitely be a celebration for an achievement. It doesn’t mark a completion so much as it marks a milestone.
Regardless of how much your brother-in-law and his family have done, your feelings and desires always come first in your son’s life. They need to understand that.
Follow your heart. :)
your son has accomplished something, and while you were not there physically with him, you were part of why he was able to do it, even with the struggles and it has been hard on you, too. take my opinion for what it’s worth, but if you feel you should be there to recognize this milestone (and Jon is right, it’s a marker along the path, not the end of the journey) then you should be there. And, yes, it would be healing for YaYa to see even that through all the pain and the conflict that you are supportive of him.
good luck with this, it doesn’t seem like an easy situation.
You should celebrate. Now if possible, later if necessary…
Celebrate everything…
The event is still a long ways off. Work may not even allow me the time off. Either way, we’ll celebrate: here or there. I just needed to get it out.
Here’s another vote for celebrating a milestone that is not necessarily the finish line. I think your BIL must have some other agenda in not wanting to celebrate. Graduation is graduation and deserves recognition. We don’t celebrate high school graduations because it marks the end of a kid’s education – we celebrate it because it marks the end of their COMPULSORY education and because they are now “adults” ready to take steps to shape their lives. Apparently your BIL is not seeing this graduation in that light. Maybe you could help him.
I agree, that this should be celebrated…I don’t know all the details either just that this has been a hard decision on many levels. They have sacrificed for him, but so have you, you have given him up to their care because you felt it was best, but you have not given up on him…..
This is hard. Frankly this whole Mom thing is hard.
that doesn’t make sense to me. and anyway, you are still the mom! of course you celebrate milestones. do please follow your heart.
A little late to read this, Juls, but I’m with 21st Century Mom on this one: Celebrate! And, whether it’s there or here, let him know!