Obviously, my daily photo project is turning out to be a everything-but-daily-photo project. It’s more than just time constraints; it’s also lack of inspiration. To be quite honest, I’m a little overwhelmed with life. I mean, I am certainly happy to wake up to each new day and embrace the fact that my body works – for the most part. I love my boys and cherish the time I have with them.
It’s the other stuff. The tedious daily commute, cooking (when I do), trying to keep my house clean, bill paying, grocery shopping, and other duties that keep me from relaxing… and the J.O.B. Err. Maybe it’s just the latter and none other. I actually enjoy cooking, when I can come home to a clean kitchen and just have at it.
I think back to when I knew that what I did on a day-to-day basis actually touched lives and made a huge impact on the the peoples’ lives it touched. But now, not so much. Now, I yearn for more. I feel like a hamster running on a wheel hoping that my efforts might possibly generate enough energy to turn on a light some where… for someone. Anyone.
If you’ve worked in drug development, perhaps you feel the same.
I often wonder what it would take to go back to bedside nursing, or maybe explore hospice nursing. I think I might find that more enjoyable, in spite of the exhaustion that comes with that inspiration.
But then I wonder if my body and my pocketbook could handle it. And would I have time and energy left to get outdoors and see the colorful flowers and butterflies?
Of course, I am just thinking out loud — taking a leap of faith that nobody will read this and take offense to my ho-hum thoughts on my career. For truly, I AM most grateful for my life and all of my many blessings. I am also learning to accept the things which I cannot change. Yes, I am yearning but I am also learning.
Linda Casillas says
Once Ryan is off to college, “I” think you should just go for it!!! Back to nursing and impacting lives directly. You have a huge heart and seeing something tangible from your efforts is great work or just something mostly enjoyable or feel good about and if you can get paid doing it, that is awesome! I know I will need to do the same in my next life chapter!!!
I have a feeling you impact enough lives outside of work to make up for any lack of impact in workplace. That commute though…sigh. I saw the 85 N the other day. It’s a sad story…
Thanks, Kurt! That means a lot coming from you. Yes, my 13 mile commute is sooooo long lately. I can’t imagine how long it would take if I had to go all the way to SSF.
It’s amazing how much more energy one has when working at something she loves…