Yearning and Learning

Obviously, my daily photo project is turning out to be a everything-but-daily-photo project. It’s more than just time constraints; it’s also lack of inspiration. To be quite honest, I’m a little overwhelmed with life. I mean, I am certainly happy to wake up to each new day and embrace the fact that my body works – for the most part. I love my boys and cherish the time I have with them.

It’s the other stuff. The tedious daily commute, cooking (when I do), trying to keep my house clean, bill paying, grocery shopping, and other duties that keep me from relaxing… and the J.O.B. Err. Maybe it’s just the latter and none other. I actually enjoy cooking, when I can come home to a clean kitchen and just have at it.

I think back to when I knew that what I did on a day-to-day basis actually touched lives and made a huge impact on the the peoples’ lives it touched. But now, not so much. Now, I yearn for more. I feel like a hamster running on a wheel hoping that my efforts might possibly generate enough energy to turn on a light some where… for someone. Anyone.

If you’ve worked in drug development, perhaps you feel the same.

I often wonder what it would take to go back to bedside nursing, or maybe explore hospice nursing. I think I might find that more enjoyable, in spite of the exhaustion that comes with that inspiration.

But then I wonder if my body and my pocketbook could handle it. And would I have time and energy left to get outdoors and see the colorful flowers and butterflies?

Of course, I am just thinking out loud — taking a leap of faith that nobody will read this and take offense to my ho-hum thoughts on my career. For truly, I AM most grateful for my life and all of my many blessings. I am also learning to accept the things which I cannot change. Yes, I am yearning but I am also learning.