kisses and cake

There is a point in a blogger’s career when the blog ceases being a private journal where anything can be disclosed yet remains undiscovered. Suddenly, “Well, it *is* the Internet” has new meaning.

If you saw the movie Julie & Julia, you may remember how they portrayed Julie’s relationship with her blog, and her readers, over time. I loved the scene where she writes about her fight with her husband only to erase it (rather than publish it).

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written purely for the therapeutic effect of writing itself. Sometimes I do this on paper [in a page in my journal (yes, I have one), an envelope, or napkin] and other times I do it on my blog platform. Then, some time later, I change it into something else — or destroy it all together. Create & Destroy: It’s part of the process.

For months now, I’ve carried a piece of paper in my wallet with a list of questions that I wrote down while listening to a song from the sound track of P.S. I Love You. Titled Kisses and Cake, the song and the list of questions, move me to tears each and every time…but I felt that I needed to be moved to tears from time to time. It was a way I kept myself in check…reminding myself NOT to chase a dream I could not seem to let go of.

Friday night, I reached a turning point…and I ripped the piece of paper into little pieces. In much the same way as writing this list of questions was therapy, so too was the act of tearing it up. These questions remain unanswered, however the answers are no longer important.

I’ve been riding a roller-coaster of emotions: UP and down and loop-de-loop. I can’t believe that it’s all coming to an end — or at least to another transition point.

In just a few hours, BoBo will be leaving and once again my house will be quiet.

Words cannot describe how full my heart has been in these past weeks OR how good this visit has been for me as well as BoBo, YaYa and DD. At the same time, I cannot fully articulate just how proud I am of the man that my BoBo is becoming. It’s pretty awesome.

Last night, my family gathered ’round the kitchen table to celebrate family, and togetherness.  We are growing older and wiser.  With kisses, we show our love. With cake, we celebrate DD becoming 30 years old AND BoBo’s transition from high school student to college student. THAT too is awesome. I am so honored to have been a part of that — however small.

My wish for you is that you too will have your cake and eat it too. Smooches!