Tonight, I finally took YaYa to see the movie “Up.” I know that you are probably thinking that I’m the last to see it. You may be right. I guess I kept putting it off.
I’d heard so many people tell me that the beginning was sooo sad, yet nobody was willing to fill me in on what makes the story sad. That is until last night. I asked because I wanted to be prepared. I figured there had to be a death. It seems that someone dies in nearly all of the movies these days.
Well, I guess I was prepared for the beginning of the movie because it didn’t bug me at all. In fact, I enjoyed watching the couple’s lives unfold and was pleased to see Elle with gray hair. I kept thinking, that’s not so bad — they were able to grow old together. After the first 10 minutes of the movie had passed, I tucked away my kleenex .
Then I watched Carl’s life continue on without his lovely bride at his side. Although subtle, I thought the portrayal of his grieving was well done. I watched as Carl held tight to each and every item that reminded him of his Elle and the dreams that they had made but never seemed to make happen.
Of course, I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my own life and the unlived dreams. I watched Carl, as he began to loose control of his life. He was suddenly faced with the decision to give up or fight. And his adventure began to unfold…
It is not easy to let go and move on. Just as Carl continued to talk to Elle when times got uncertain, I continue to talk to Tom. When I wake each morning, it is Tom that I think of. Last month, when W used to interrupt my mornings with a cheery text, email, or call I was seriously annoyed.
I may have thought that I was ready for a “relationship” but I now feel that I could not be farther away from being ready for this. It’s too bad that I didn’t realize this earlier. Perhaps it would have saved us a whole lot of frustration. Or maybe I would have been drowning in a sea of loneliness. I don’t know.
As you may have guessed, I have yet to see my therapist. Therefore, I have yet to make an firm decisions on where to go, or not, with W. I know that I do not want our friendship to go to ruin because I continue on in a relationship when I shouldn’t. And if the good doctor suggests that we take a break for a bit, I plan to fill a crap-load of balloons up with helium and set off on a grand adventure. There may not be giant birds, but certainly there will be enthusiastic boys in need of attention and dark chocolate (in moderation of course).
Hugs, my friend.
I don’t think its that you are not ready for a relationship. Hell, you’ve already got a relationship. You just keep hanging on to those balloons with both hands. You’re gonna be alright :-)
Interesting, Juls, I didn’t shed a tear at the beginning either. But I did get very upset whenever the mementos were about to get lost, like when the house was on fire.
I was also tear free at the beginning. I thought it was sweet and they did have a long life together. If anything made me want to cry it was their inability to have a baby but they got over it so I did, too.
I know you’ll figure this thing with W out. Also, there is a difference between not being ready for a relationship and being in a relationship that isn’t quite right. Things are what they are. All you can do is recognize them for what they are and do what’s right for you.
That movie was really hard for me to watch too – such a scary idea of losing what I have in my life. I’m getting teary eyed again now just thinking about it. Strangely I thought of you and your life while in the theater and later. I’m glad that you are focusing the balloons, chocolate, and boys. There are still a lot of pages in your scrap book – take it from the man with the clip board.
SD