The activities in my support group sessions seem to be falling into the waste of time category. On Wednesday, my mind refused to play along with the art therapy assignment. The instructions were too vague and I didn’t have the energy or want to interpret it.
I could not understand why we were not talking about the arrival of another Mother’s Day. Certainly the group could have benefited by a discussion on our expectations and strategies for having a good day. It wasn’t as if the topic didn’t come up in our pre-art discussion. But our facilitator failed to clue into our need.
A topic that I brought up (which could have been given some further discussion) was how I had once been searching for a note from my husband – some sort of message to say a final good-bye. Of course, with both the advanced stage of his cancer coupled with the rapid progression of his disease, he never had the time or desire to write such a letter.
I remember being angered when the ads for the movie P.S. I love you began airing. There was a part of me that was curious about the movie, and yet I was angered that Hollywood felt the need to portray yet another false idea of a widow’s grief process to world. That’s just what the world needs, more stupid ideas that a woman should get on with her life after a pre-set time frame. 3 months, 6 months, or 12 months: surly that is enough time to get over such a loss. NOT!
Of course, when the movie became available for rental on iTunes yesterday, I decided it was time to see for myself. I began watching it at 10:30 pm last night, in the comfort of my own bed, watching from from my wee little device.
I was actually pleased with the movie. There were distinct reasons for each of his plans for her (including the karaoke), and although there was one part in particular that I found disturbing, I was relatively satisfied with the movie. I was glad that they chose to show her ongoing struggle with life, rather than my previous assumption (based on the short movie trailers) that she moved on with ease.
Today, I am thankful that it is Friday, that there is coffee, and that I have no meetings on my schedule. This has been another busy week at work. I hope to crawl into the privacy of my office, work through my day, and hope that very few notice my tired and puffy eyes – the product of a good cry. Of course, if the opportunity to get out for a run presented, that would make for a very happy ending to another crazy week.
P.S. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you Mom’s!
I’m not sure what “getting over it” means. You absorb it. It becomes a part of you. Life goes on.
Happy Mother’s Day, Juls!!
Yes, Wes, it does become a part of you. It changes you. People don’t get that. You are not ever going to be the same person that you were before.
People also don’t understand this. They think that you will be back to “your old self” after a given time. They have preconceived ideas of what that timeframe is based upon their own losses. Sometimes they even say that they understand because they lost their father or close friend. But it is different with every loss, and ever person.
There is no set timeframe for healing, and the pain ebbs and flows. In time, hopefully, you become something other than the weeping widow that you are in the beginning.
I found myself entertained, engaged and, occasionally, pleasantly surprised.
I’m not lurking either.
Lov,
Mom
Happy Mother’s Day to you too, Juls.
I saw that movie on my last flight. Well written post.