Generally, my days are not all that bad. I am happy that I am functioning in life, that I haven’t crawled into bed and refused to get up. It is true that my grief kicks in stronger at the end of the day, after the dinner has been cooked, the dishes are cleaned away, and the kids are enjoying the computer or television. This is the time of day where I feel the most loss. I don’t, however, wallow in my pain during every moment of every day. I have moments of hope for a future that is happy.
Running, I have heard, stimulates the release of endorphins. Termed the “Placebo Effect,” research shows that simply believing that a positive effect may happen stimulates a release of endorphins similar to those released in running. I get this idea and have decided that I will initiate my own placebo effect by instituting a new routine for the remainder of 2007.
Similar to the Running Chick‘s Thursday posting of “Three Beautiful Things,” I planned committing to posting a “positive” post at least once a week.
I had *planned* to post this on Friday’s. This post was essentially written then. I was in search of something “positive” that would go with it. But Friday came and went and I wasn’t feeling particularly “positive” about anything.
So on Saturday, I met with Brit of “The Running Stitch,” and Mia of “Mia Goddess.” I haven’t met a lot of RBF members, so I was a little nervous about how well the meet up would go. I had only discovered Mia’s blog an hour before the meet up.
We all got along famously. In fact, we talked in excess of 4 hours. We laughed a lot and it was such a healing. Mia even brought gifts for everyone. She crafted a Shaun Cassidy album into the bowl that housed home-baked cookies, some cute fabric pieces, and two hot wheels cars that are apparently all the rage with the kids these days.
Mia’s gift for me was so right on that I was in a state of shock when she said it was for me. In a wooden box five smooth stones lay. Each of them had a single word carved on it – “Smile,” “Believe,” “Hope,” “Trust,” and “Love.” It was positively perfect – my little placebo stones.
The stones are now displayed in my room beside the alarm clock. They are something positive that I can literally hold on to as needed. Last night, YaYa went to sleep clutching “Love.” Positively Perfect AND Powerful too.