Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

Archives for June 2007

Travels with Tom

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With my headphones ready, I ventured outdoors for a nice easy run. Having missed Tuesday’s 4 mile run, I was ready to make today’s run slightly longer than scheduled. I selected my play-list and began down the sidewalk towards the golf course.

Since Tom has been on my mind a lot these days, I wasn’t going to fight it. I’d run and process some of the thoughts, which are already running through my head.

I’d selected my “Travels with Tom” play-list that I used for those long car rides where the music can make or break the trip. Because not all Bob DD songs are created equal, this collection of songs were songs which Tom liked that I also enjoyed. And it’s not just Bob DD.

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As the music played, the memories moved through my awareness. It was pleasant. I ran along happily remembering the events such as our trip along the coast from Los Angeles to San Francisco, living downtown while we were both in college and DD was still in grade school, and the first cappuccino that I made with our espresso machine. There were plenty of good times. Each song uncovered a picture for me and displayed it for me to admire.

I’d just assume forget about the bad times, but there was plenty of those too. I suppose the bad times are what makes the good times “good”. Today’s run was free of those.

I was traveling down my path, with Tom in my memory, at a nice relaxed pace. The wind was blowing in my hair just as it did on many of our trips in my convertible Fiat (before kids). And on the occasion, the sadness came flooding back in thinking about the memories that won’t happen.

Sobs, accompanied with hyperventilation, overcame me in thinking of the happy moments of the future. Knowing that Tom won’t be there to share the special moments like achieving my BQ in Chicago brings a lot of sadness.

Like a bad cramp, I just kept on running. By the time I hit the office doors, I felt a whole lot better than before the run.

Valuing People

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It is so easy to take the little things that people do for granted. People often put off telling the ones they love how much they care. I guess they think that since they are there day in and day out that there will always be time. You can bet that our family doesn’t feel this way – well not intentionally anyways. I was accidentally (at least I hope) left out of BoBo’s Family & Friends section of his “Dream Book” project. *oops*

Well, life goes on for us. Today was probably a bad day to bring attention to my eyes with a little make-up. On the way to work, I drive down the freeway in a sea of cars with tears running down my face.

Today our department is hosting a “social event.” As part of a Corporate Challenge we are doing a “what we do” presentation at lunchtime and serving ice cream to entice participation. The theme is supposed to be part of a “valuing people” initiative, but I fail to understand the point. We have put a lot of work into the presentation and we have high hopes that it will be well received. None of us have any expectations that we will be valued more by the other departments just because they know more about us and have been given free ice cream.

I don’t have the positive outlook, which I want to have, these days. Having mandatory lunchtime meetings and activities doesn’t help. I *need* my lunchtime runs to help me through the passing days. If corporate would adjust the timelines so that we could do our best, and not have to give up our lunch break to do it, that would be the best way to help us feel “valued.” *whatever*

Running twice on Saturday left me with two days of no running. By Tuesday I was in real need of a run but, due to a meeting, my run was missed altogether and I was forced to adjust my schedule again. I did today’s “progressive run” on Wednesday. I hope to make up Tuesday’s “easy” 4-mile run later today, but it’s not likely. YaYa has another appointment with the doctor today and then BoBo has another baseball game. I’ll figure it out.

Coach is supportive of being flexible so that it all can happen. He, being one for nicknames, calls me Gumby-head. You know we all have “head” in the name – don’t ask me why. Seeing how I need my running more for my mindset than my running goals (although they remain), I will take the Gumby approach. In the meantime, I’ll put on a smile and fake my way through the ice cream social.

X’s and O’s

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We were on the way into the Y-care at YaYa’s school when YaYa stopped suddenly. He held his arms open wide for quick embrace. With his head buried deep into me, he held on tight not worrying who might see us. A year ago this would have never happened. But now days, YaYa takes his hugs when and where ever he wants and without regard to who might be looking. He holds on tight as if it will be the last time.

I let him hold on as long as he needs to. The hug helps me too. There aren’t any guarantees that I will be around until he is raising his own kids, but that is my plan. I will do what I can to make it so and take action just in case.

On Monday, I paid a visit to an attorney to discuss the contents for my will. The process of thinking about your own mortality, and what you would want to happen “if this”, and “if that,” were to happen is a little scary. It is important though – especially where the kids are involved.

The hug ends. As a plus, we weren’t even seen. I tell YaYa that I love him and he returns the gesture. In addition to the hug, I get a kiss – because I no longer wear lipstick that comes off on BIG (little) boy’s cheeks.

Play nice

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I took a back seat to the baseball game. It allowed me a nice view of BoBo – out in right field. Nearby, a father heckled his players. You would have thought it was a football game by his over enthusiastic prodding. Sitting on a bail of hay draped with my blanket, I was comfortable enough to put up with the annoyance.

Then one of our players did not slide at home plate. He nearly took out the opponent “football” style. It was horrifying to all watching. The comments from the opponent seemed to attack our whole community. From the neighborhood with more money (more debt is probably more accurate), the comments worked to point out a difference perceived by a select few. It was as if our whole team was playing “dirty” when, in fact, it was only the one player. Still, it takes only one move like that to turn the umpires against you. Our boys played on to a 2-point loss.

Afterwards, some of our parents slipped out quietly. I took it upon myself to do a little post-game mingling with the other side. Because we really aren’t that different – some of our kids go to the same school.

Let’s hope that tonight’s game goes off with only the best of sportsmanship from the players and the parents.

FOS

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F.O.S. is a medical abbreviation.
Today, it stands for Feeling Over Stuffed
It’s all the same.
Food in — Food out (or NOT).

Well, I don’t quite feel like running.
I don’t quite feel like doing anything.
and so…
perhaps I won’t.

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