Archives for March 2007
Hit the road, Juls
I took advantage of a good situation. I pulled up my hair, donned my running shoes, and took Garminia with me on a run. My sister-in-law offered to accompany by riding a bike beside me, but I turned her down. I planned to create a little separation from the world around me by enlisting myPod’s entertainment skills.
Right out the front door, I hit the road. At first it felt pretty foreign, but after my lungs adjusted I settled down. It wasn’t just a little run either. I ran for 10 fantastic miles.
runaholics anonymous
My name is Juls. I am a runaholic. It’s been 7 days since my last run and it has not been easy.
In the first few days, I had a mix of withdrawal symptoms coupled with complete fatigue. After a while, I began to come out of that phase and on to a new phase of recovery. I am beginning to come to terms with my addiction to running, but it is difficult.
In the morning, as I drive my son to the high school, I see the morning runners on the move. I look on with a hunger for the same. I remember the joy of the wind on my face, blowing my hair back, and making me feel like I am Superhero that is moving along with superhero powers. My breathing is fast and my legs are strong, turning over quickly and taking me far. The post run feeling of accomplishment and all that kept me going back for more is in my memory now more than ever.
I am sick. I need help to be strong and resist the urge to don my running shoes, pony-up my hair, and hit the pavement for a few quick miles. There are so many who are counting on me right now; I cannot let them down. Someone, please send help.
Time to slow down
Well, it was bound to happen; I wore myself out. The headache that I’d been feeling in the past few days, the headache that I thought was from crying, has now been coupled with an annoying dry cough and a low-grade fever. It makes perfect sense, the bad run, the feeling warm, and worn out. It’s time to slow down as much as I can. There will be no running, only resting.
I am fortunate to have DD here with me still. Although he tends to be a night owl, therefore waking up mid-day, his being here with us has allowed for some sense of normalcy to be maintained. He’s helped convert the family room into a place for Tom. He’s so wonderful.
Every little bit helps, and I am learning to ask for assistance. It is a hard thing to do. Nurses, even ex-nurses like myself, are great co-dependents. We feel the need to do it all. I’ve asked for some favors and hope that people will say no if my requests are burdensome in any way.
Our neighbor has agreed to take YaYa to school with her son. Since I am not working right now, this allows YaYa a couple of extra hours of sleep. I have also emailed to ask another baseball Mom (not the road-rage momma) if she could take YaYa to practice when she picks up her son at the school daycare. I guess she’ll get her email today when she gets to work. I hate putting it out there so much; the story is hard to tell over and over. But I think that it helps people to understand my absence.
Speaking of absence, I discovered that BoBo has a baseball game today. I asked him if he’d like DD or myself to be at the game (assuming that he could only have one of us attend). BoBo said that he didn’t know. I guess it was a little like putting him on the spot. Just after I had told the neighbor that I was looking forward to taking YaYa to swim lessons, as it would be a change in scenery, YaYa asked if DD could take him instead. “Okay”, I said.
It’s a strange place to be as I have always tried to do it all and be at all of the events. I’ll miss some things, but be available for others. In the past, I know that some people have often asked why I do so much of the tasks, leaving Tom to pick and choose what he’ll wants to attend. He was *always* working and I really was getting the better end of the deal. But, also, it was my choice.
Now, as my body screams for me to slow down, I have to let go a little more so that I can be there for the things that I am able to be at. I found my “good” prescription allergy meds and have restarted them (just in case), and I am drinking that airborne stuff. I’m hoping I can nip this in the bud before it fully kicks in.
Half of the story
Blogging is a tool, any many ways, that I use to get the best and worst of my feelings vented. My regular readers are a different sort of friend who will let me complain and perhaps offer a few words of encouragement too. If you blog, you understand what I am talking about.
My siblings are not bloggers and, mostly, they don’t read my blog. But when I wasn’t calling everyone back, but rather was giving updates to a few central people and instructing them to pass it on, drastic measures were in order – I guess. It’s really hard to call everyone back. It is even harder to tell the story over and over, to answer the questions, and hear the advice. But everyone means well, and really just wants to help.
Carol did her best to give the update to my brother and sister, but she wasn’t sure that she understood everything correctly. My Mom, then, suggested that my siblings read my blog. My first thought, when I saw the emails on this suggestion the following day, was surprise. Did they really think that I would put it on the blog and not yet not tell them?!
Needless to say, they were hit with the bombshell produced by one of my emotional lows during this experience. Linda called to say that she was so sad that I was feeling so devastated and lost. At times, that is exactly how I feel. Other times, I just do what I need to do and am fairly okay.
I have to tell you all, that there will NOT be a full disclosure of my situation here on the blog; honestly I never have put it ALL out there for you to read. I will let you know just enough to understand the shift in my running, and writing. I can’t tell you how much of my experience will be poured out on the pages for all to read. I just don’t know.
I will tell you that my BQ is no longer the goal for this year. I may not even run a marathon this year. But I will keep running when I am able to. As you know, my running is what helps me release the feelings of dread. It also helps me to be thankful for what I have TODAY.