I had about 5 different topics that I began writing about for today’s post. My head is full, but not of any intriguing thoughts of running wisdom. Instead, you get this:
I have been reminded that I have been “breaking the rules.” I don’t know whether these rules are technically running rules or blogging rule – perhaps BOTH. In my previous post, I actually meant for the focus to be more on my high heart rate, and less on my level of “fitness”. That was my intention, but the fingers kept on typing, thus changing the focus of my writing by the time it was posted. Regardless, I have been scolded once again. Some things never change.
What else would you expect from me, Juls – who is trying to Keep Pace but …isn’t?
– I AM just coming off of the injury list.
– I AM sick.
– I AM essentially starting over.
I just can’t resist posting on the “poor me” topic. This is especially true when I am feeling generally yucky or “ill”. For those of you that have been injured (perhaps this includes all of you), you know that it is not easy to be where I am. I often dwell on what went wrong.
Was it the diet? I didn’t really need to lose weight; there was nothing wrong with the weight of my body pre-diet. Now that I have re-started my exercise, I am right back where I started. I think it is where my body wants to be.
I begin my runs cautiously, and try to stay tuned to the messages from my body. I want to be past this stage already. I want to be able to lace and go as far as I want. Instead, I run close enough to work that I could walk back if I need to. I want to let loose and push the pace again. But my body is not ready yet. It tells me to get on dirt whenever I run on slightly uneven pavement. I feel the hard pavement jarring on the outer edge of my foot. It is subtle, but it is there.
Could it be that this illness is my body’s way of slow me down from running too far, too often, too soon? I’ve become a connoisseur of cough drops and have surrounded myself with boxes of Kleenex. I need tissue available at any given moment so that I may attempt to expel the stuff that fills my head, be it mucous or thoughts of woe and self-doubt. It doesn’t work, but still I try repeatedly.