When someone dies, people focus all of their energy on remembering all the goodness that person brought to their lives. In the initial period of loss, it makes sense; it helps lesson the pain.
For me, there came a point where I needed to acknowledge the wrongs so that I could move on in my life. I had to examine my relationship (good and bad) to make decisions on what I wanted and perhaps more importantly, what I didn’t want if I was to even consider a future with someone else.
That process stimulated a lot of ill feelings which I fought back for a time. It’s okay to be mad at yourself for your wrong doings, but people don’t like you being angry with the dead. You’re only supposed to think good thoughts of them.
After a bit, I discounted that idea on only-happy-thoughts as another one of the fallacies of loss. Just like how people think you’ll just get over it in a year or two, it is a misconception. It does no good to consider only bits and pieces of the whole person – whether alive or dead. “For better or for worse,” right?