When I first picked up this medicine buddha, I thought it might help me to be injury free. Now, over a year later, I think maybe he has served to help me better understand responses to injury so that I might become a resource to others.
Year in Review
Every year, for quite some time, I’ve chosen a little word-of-the-year for the 12 months to follow. At the beginning of 2013, I chose “self-awareness” as my word(s) of the year. These words were chosen from the stand point of injury prevention but also with the broader view of the Noble Eightfold Path from where right intentions (thoughts, words, and actions) are aspired to be followed. With the year coming to an end, it is time for me to look back and take a closer look at the year from the vantage point of self-awareness and following a path of rights.
A trend which I have noticed in the past couple of years is that choosing a word of the year in no way guarantees that the year will be filled with the virtue of the selected word. Take last year for an example: At the close of 2012, my year-in-review exercise revealed that not only was 2012 a year of “balance” but that the quest for balance had the a component of “self-preservation” included with it. This was similar to the previous year (2011) where my chosen word “health” went hand-in-hand with “patience.” There seems to be a hidden twist in my word-of-the-year activity which makes the exercise a bit more tenuous than previously thought; quite honestly, it makes me wonder if I should risk choosing a word for 2014.
The year 2013 was trying for sure. Rather than avoiding injuries, it was a year laced with a chronic pain and a multitude of injuries revealing my areas of vulnerability due to scoliotic curves, weak joints, muscles, etc. The pain and injuries did force me to go within and assess whether I was following the right path or whether I was headed down a path of misinformation and misaligned actions. All of this served well in becoming more self-aware albeit trying.
With the year coming to an end, I shake my head as I look back through my posts, here and on Keeping Balance (the companion blog). There are a few words I could use to summarize what my quest for self-awareness brought to me, but today I choose “contentment” for all the frustration and awareness of my shortcomings, misaligned priorities, wants, and yoga postures, as well as a tendency to push the edge when I shouldn’t have forced me to be content …or suffer.
waking up
At 5:40 AM my alarm clock BLASTED me awake. It was a rather rude awakening. In my shaken up, frenzied state, I leaned over and pushed the button to quiet the room again. Ugh! This is no way to start a day. I haven’t woken up like this is months but starting today, the Mysore room opens at 6 AM instead of 7:15 AM. I’d set the alarm to wake me earlier than my usual with the intention to get to the yoga studio a bit earlier. My hope was to have the time to hit all of the postures in the Primary Series. Without the time limitation, my stopping point would then be determined based on ability, mindset, and focus.
I lay back down on my bed and let my body and mind wake up in a more natural way. While I lay there, I enjoyed the feeling the deliciously warm the sheets weighing down my body and felt more present. I felt my breath naturally become deeper and my heart begin to settle back down from the shocking awakening. It was still dark outside with no hint of morning coming to life as of yet. From my bed, I could see the street light illuminating the trees lining the street. I was now awake; this gentle awaking is definitely a nicer way to welcome the day. I got out of bed and got ready to go.
Downstairs, I turned on the espresso machine as I let the dogs outside and put food in their bowls. I came back inside, pulled my shot, made myself a protein shake to drink after my practice, and left for the studio. While on the road, I took a sip of my espresso and noticed that I didn’t feel the same level of enjoyment that I usually have. I wondered if it was the new batch of beans or simply that my body was no longer welcoming the caffeinated jolt I’d once thrived on. I poured the rest of the tiny cup out when I arrived at the studio hoping I wouldn’t later regret it.
The energy was already moving inside the Mysore room. The hum of energy was almost palpable from the doorway. It was just before 6:30 AM, and the room was nearly full. I rolled out my mat and went right to work. As I moved through the sun salutations (Surya Namaskara A and B), I noticed the morning light begin to light up the room in my periphery. I was awed by it to the point of losing my place. Opps! I skipped both Virabhadrasana I postures on my third Surya Namaskara A. Returning to my breath, I resumed my practice and let the sun’s entry into the room be as unassuming as other students entering the room. With this new found focus, I moved through the standing poses, noticing a little less resistance as I entered into each of the poses. Instead of pushing the edge, I kept them gentle. My seated poses were more focused and I could feel more calmness in the poses – even if they were less than completely comfortable. It was nice. I took my time and actually finished the series. And by the time I arrived at the office, I was still uncaffeinated, yet fully awake. It feels good.
I hope it will last.
From “I can’t” to “I will”
I come into the office, settle down at my desk, and review my schedule for the day. Two meetings, neither of which I have any enthusiasm for. I groan to myself and think, “I just can’t do it”, knowing full well that indeed I can.
It’s not the first time I’ve muttered “I can’t” today. Several times already today I’ve muttered those words. As I think about it, I believe that I muttered these words to myself upon waking. Yeah, I know, that’s no way to start the day. But I’m sore, and tired, and I just don’t WANT to work today. Not at the office…and not on my mat.
Somehow, I got my sorry tushie out of bed and to the yoga studio for the led practice covering the full primary series at the instructor’s pace. I spent the drive psyching myself up for it, telling myself that it is no different than marathon training. Some days, you want to run and it’s easy, other days you don’t and it’s hard. Always, you are just a bit sore at the start but even that eases up and your body gives into your urgings to just do it.
My practice was difficult from start to finish but I did my best to still the mind and shush the monkey in my head who kept on pointing out my short comings. Yeah, every pose I took was less than the pose of yesterday. Yeah, I did hurt. And I was uber sore and extremely fatigued. “I know, Monkey, I know.”
But I stuck with my practice… just as I will stick with it here at the office.
Off the mat and onto (or into) the water
It’s been a couple years since I’ve taken my yoga off the mat and onto the water. Back then, I was fairly new to yoga. Standing up to move into Warrior I pose was huge.
Two years later, after developing a more regular yoga practice, a comparison of myself in this same pose shows little difference. Mostly, I see a difference in practice rather than more perfected alignment. My putting my hands together and forward of body is due to my current practice in ashtanga. It’s not better; it’s just different.
What you don’t see pictured, is the fact that we actually flowed through a sequence of poses, including Sun Salutations, with a nice build up of poses peaking at multiple points including tree, Warrior I and II, triangle, wheel, shoulder stand, plow, fish, etc. After savansana, we got a bit more time for free play.
Not so surprising, the poses which trouble me on land (namely tree pose), are exponentially more challenging afloat a stand up paddleboard. The difference is that you cannot fake it on the water. There are no walls to hold onto and even your dristi moves as you do.