I woke with a dull ache in my head. Acknowledging the date, I stayed in bed as long as I could before getting up to take YaYa to the baseball field. I honestly wished that I could stay in bed all day long. It shouldn’t have taken me by surprise; it was the first day of spring and therefore the 2-year anniversary of my husband’s passing.
There was nearly an hour allotted for warm up prior to game time. I considered using the time for a short run, hoping to ease the headache. But time seemed to be slipping away. My plan to run at a cool park shifted to running on the local streets and again shifted to a treadmill run.
Rounding the corner by the gym, I was making the decision to give up the run all together. I didn’t want to run anyway. “Suck it up Julie,” I heard my husband’s voice telling me. Sighing, I pulled into the parking lot but protested by noting that I would NOT make more than one trip around the lot. If there wasn’t a parking spot for me, then I would drive away. There were MANY spots (more than the usual 1-2 spots). While walking towards the building, I made my next contingency plan. If there were not any open treadmills, I wasn’t going to wait.
Of course, of the two rows of treadmills, were only 2 in use. *sigh* I got on and began running at a nice easy pace.
It was not fun. My head still HURT. I grabbed the side rail, closed my eyes, and took some healing breaths. Within seconds, I created an imaginary cord that would work to drain the pain right out of my body, and opened my eyes back up.
About a mile into the run, I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie began playing. It was still in the instrumental part when I said, “No you won’t,” as I changed the song. My anger towards L began raging. It was stupid though. I was actually mad at him for being nice.
Early in the morning, L’s text “Thinkin bout. U Juls…with u there in spirit” had arrived as soon as myPhone came out of airplane mode. He may have meant that Tom was with me in spirit. I didn’t care much care what he meant. I don’t need, or want, L inserting his energy in my life when he’s not.
Ugh…anger was not good for my head. Again, I closed my eyes (holding the rail) and tried to release it.
Well, I have no idea if I’d opened my eyes before taking a tumble. Clearly my mind was on other things throughout the entire run. I only remember seeing parts of the treadmill and the gym streaming past. Next thing I know I am on the ground with a small crowd around me. My leg burned and my head was all in a fog.
Could this day really be happening? Where was YaYa? I stared at the “21” on the iCal logo of myPhone. Of course it was real. I’d been a fool to think that the worst had been earlier in the month and that this day would be fine. I took another deep breath, grabbed my things, and headed to YaYa’s baseball game.
My plans for the rest of the day shifted some to. We didn’t go to the place where Tom’s ashes were scattered as it was obvious that Tom was with us already. Also, instead of driving to the Spring Equinox gathering, I called up a friend and asked for a ride. It seemed safer. I’d have people around me and I wouldn’t be driving.
As for the rest of the day, it was eventful in a positive way and Tom’s presence was with us there as well.