My husband had a theory about therapy. He believed that, no matter what the benefit, the cost would always be greater. By this, he meant that the pure fact that the word “depression” or “anxiety” or anything else along that line was in a medical record (some place for some one to access down the line) would come back to prevent one from moving forward in life. Perhaps it might be a life insurance, or a home loan, or even entry into the military. This was one reason that he never sought out therapy to assist him in grieving the loss of his best friend, his parents, and his baby girl.
In watching him go through life with such pain, I never could buy into this. We argued the point on quite a few occasions. Of course, I’ve never understood grief in the way I do now. And never will I understand his grief — or his fear for that matter.
By the time a diagnosis was reached and the inevitable end of life was facing him, it was my husband who wanted to be sure that the kids and I had a means to deal with the pain after he’d gone. We talked about it at length. When my hospice could not deliver on support at the kids’ level, I paid dearly for support groups and counseling. It was worth it. My kids and my future happiness had no price.
Now, years after his counseling sessions have stopped, we’ve been requested to provide the records form his grief counseling to the military. I’m sure they just want to know if the young man they are recruiting is psychotic or suicidal. Still, I have to wonder if the battery of mental health assessments wouldn’t rule this out. And what will come of these records down the line — perhaps when he is facing a promotion and they are discovered at the pit of his military files?
I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made on obtaining therapy for me and my children. But I do have to wonder at what level Tom was right. It begs the question: What if the records from my sessions come out and how might they stop me from moving forward?
interesting and something I had never considered. my older son wants to be in the military and fly jets – I wonder how his anger-management sessions and the counseling we’ve gotten to deal with homework/study/rebellion issues will impact him when he starts applying for the academies. You would hope that there would no longer be a stigma attached and that getting help and tools to handle emotional issues should be no different than getting help for physical ailments. so sad that these are things we even have to consider.
It’s the military’s job to assess risk, and at the end of the day, I think they will consider grief counseling a very necessary and minor blip on the radar. They just want to make sure that the candidate won’t break down in a high stress situation. Trust me. They’ve put people through the Academies with far worse things on their health records.
You did the right thing for the kids and yourself…
Wow. I never realized they (the military) wanted that much information.
PS
I’ve tagged you on my blog.
If the military refuse him an assignment because of grief counseling, that’s their mistake, not yours.
I’m of the firm belief that we’re slowly revolutionizing our views on mental health, including grief and depression. Granted, the military are usually the last onto any bandwagon, but I think the long term outlook is that the benefits are going to far, far outweigh the drawbacks.
0.02