I had mixed feelings about returning to work. I’d left on vacation at a “breaking point” of sorts. My boss, whom I love working with, had been on vacation and the dynamics in the office were just different. I’d spent too much of my time mumbling frustrations under my breath, followed by a personal reprimand for muttering (evening thinking) the thoughts. It wasn’t a pretty picture.
It has nearly been a year since I made the change in my career. I’d like to say that I bring more to my current position than I demand of it. Regardless, I am still relatively new to a role where there is a lot of on the job experience that helps to tease out the black or white from the reports that fall into the gray area. In those final weeks leading up to my vacation, there were just a few too many colleagues second-guessing my work. It’s one thing to watch out for each other to be sure that no one misses critical facts. Had it only been one person checking up on me, I might not have given it another thought. It was, however, three people on each of two separate cases. The fact that we routinely have an MD review all of the cases did not seem to deter the inquiries from coming one, after another, after another. I did not feel trusted, or appreciated and was, therefore, unhappy.
During my vacation, I thought hard on a few occasions about how I generally feel regarding my job. This evaluation would have to include the times when our fearless leader is there to direct us on which way to steer the ship. The answer was that I am generally satisfied.
On Monday morning, I was a bit nauseated on the drive to work. I had a metallic taste in my mouth and tightness in my throat. It was evident that I needed to voice my concerns regarding the weeks prior to my vacation. So I did.