Starting again

It’s been 5 days of no running and I’ve gone from missing it to being totally used to it. I lie awake in bed thinking about the task at hand: a run. I’d considered it yesterday morning and decided to forego it.

Running didn’t seem like a good idea, even 4 days after my surgery. After examining my bruised boob in the mirror on Friday morning I decided to wait another day. Today, it looked a little better. The incision is clean and dry. It the area around that is discolored and bruised from the seams of my bra (which I have been instructed to wear 24/7 for a full month).

I decided that I would at least give the run a try. I’d committed to 5.5 miles in memory of Ryan Shay – run or walk, I’d get it done. I would try not to focus on my own loss but, if that came into my awareness, I’d try to see the healing that has taken place in these past months. And I’d pray for Ryan’s family to move towards healing (in their own time) as my family seems to be doing.

The track seemed like the safest place to test out my ability to resume running again. I was well supported as I began a slow jog around the track. My stride felt awkward and choppy. My breathing was irregular and raw. Oh how I hate starting again after a break from running. It never seems easy.

Lap after lap, I went. Round and round as the soccer games went on in the center field. I dodged the people going the wrong direction while continuing to watch the game, the get away balls, and kids toddling on the track. I thought of the blonde lady in Spanglish who yells “Track! Track!” as she aggressively runs past the male runners. The difference is that I was not so aggressive and was passing walkers. *whatever*

Although I did not know Ryan Shay or his wife, Alicia, I did think of them as I ran. I realize that *my* running 5.5 miles (or 6.2 or 26.2 miles) does not make a difference in Ryan’s family and friends’ pain. I hope, however, that the coming together of the running community (as a whole) will somehow let them know that we send our condolences to them.

I know that when the blogging community began posting photos for me when Tom was ill (and then died) I was awestruck. It is hard to start again, yet the option not to start again would be more of a tragedy. A good support system also helps.

Thanks again to all of you for posting these incredible pictures as well as some really heart felt posts. I was totally blown away when I discovered them.

I continue to be amazed at the awesome support that I have in you (my readers). Thank you so much!