It’s 1 month away from race day and I am a little nervous. The “nervousness” that I feel, however, is not the nervousness that you normally feel prior to a key race. More accurately, it is the lack of nervousness and excitement that brings on my un-ease. This same thing had happened prior to my Chicago Marathon experience. I assumed that this phenomenon was due to my career changes. At the time, I wasn’t worried for two reasons. I knew that my training had been good and that I had peaked appropriately. I also knew that I had my Plan B in my back pocket.
As the California International Marathon (CIM) approaches, I don’t have the same level of confidence in my abilities. The fact that it doesn’t “feel” like I am doing another marathon has changed the “feel” of my training. To me it is becoming obvious that my lack of excitement and the pre-race jitters directly relates to my grieving. The numbness is probably a way of sheltering me from the bad feelings that I would rather not feel day in and day out.
I do *want* to BQ at CIM but, aside from my numbness, I am wondering if I am past my peaking point and on my way over the hill. In my reasoning, I don’t see any reason why I couldn’t peak again. Now would be the time to do it. I didn’t experience any issues coming out of Chicago. Instead of an “A race, Chicago was another not-so-fun long run. The issues with my schedule have led me to skipping critical runs. I need to find importance and generate some enthusiasm for my new goal in order to make the rest of my training what it needs to be. I don’t want to be left wondering if I have what it takes on race day to hit my goal.
So much of race performance hinges on where one’s head is at when they are toeing the line on race day. I wish that I was in a better space right now, but I am not. I hope that in the next month, I can get to where I need to be to have something to celebrate on December 2nd.
I know that, ultimately, it is up to ME to get to the finish within 3 hours and 50 minutes of my crossing the starting line. I count on my friends and family (even strangers) to encourage me by cheering me on. To encourage them, I’ve had a singlet made at the Running Banana showing my name and profile picture on the front and my masthead (blog banner) and host site on the back. If you see me, please say something positive to keep me going.
Nobody can *do* it for me. I know that sometimes my head just isn’t into my training. My BQ is important to me so, I will dig deep to give it a little more. On race day, I’ll give it my best.
No reason why you can’t peak again. I find I don’t get nervous or excited until the night before the race – with multiple marathons under your belt, maybe it’s the same for you. I am sure that you are right – your grief is so much bigger than your goal. Yet your goal can distract you from the grief and run out some of the stress. I think you’ll be good to go on race day!
I don’t know if coach Jeff would agree but I’m thinking you need to shift to FIRST type training for the next 3 weeks. That’s the ‘no junk miles’ plan where you do 1 day of interval training, one day of tempo training and a long run at a not quite race pace or something like that. In any case I think you need the endorphins as much as the fast twitch tune up not to mention optimizing your lack of training time.
That’s just my 2 cents and I say it with some trepidation knowing that you have to be careful about injuring yourself, too.
Mostly I think you need to stay lose, have faith and just do your best. The only thing you could really do wrong is to beat up on yourself for how you feel. Now THAT would be a problem.
Hugs and speed to you, Juls!
I went through something similar this summer. I had no zip or enthusiasm for running and it greatly affected my performance. I felt drained. There is something to be said about what’s going on in our heads, though, and it isn’t always physical. For me, the lax feelings toward running and training did pass as summer ended, I felt better about my runs. Maybe it was burn out? I don’t know for sure, but I’m glad I stayed connected into the sport.
If your schedule can be managed you have three more weeks to continue to build fitness. I’m not your coach, but my book says get in as many long hard tempo runs (7-10 miles) as you can, and cut the taper down to about 8 or 9 days. Take a shot at it – take your best shot. You are less over the hill than most of us!
Hey Guys and Gals, It’s not the training program, it’s the lack of passion for the training. There’s too much going on (more than you know).
I will cheer for you Juls – and wish you well from 10 minutes back of you (with any luck at all) – I will be chasing you … so run fast!
I think we need to run a litle scared to be able to meet our goals. Apathy could be considered failure. Hopefully you can conjur up the mental zing you need to get your BQ. Good Luck.
Are you in the Sacramento area? I’m in Rocklin — never done CIM, but have run the last half with two friends to help them through their first marathons. Anyway, best of luck as you try to qualify for Boston!
I’m pulling for you! CIM was my target marathon this year after a 12 year layoff from doing any races. Now the passions is back, but I had a setback injury in Oct. So I will only be watching and pulling for you. Go get ’em!!
Hmmm, a month to go and no jitters, huh? I have come to realize that with marathons, anything can happen, good and bad and we have to remain flexible and open to whatever life brings. I’ll be thinking of you and wish I was there cheering you on.
all i have to offer is that old saw: one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
what else can we do?