I think that I have said that I am tired of putting up a happy front. I am fine with people just saying “hi.” It is when THE question “How are you?” is posed that I just don’t know what to say. “I’m good?” No. Not really. How can you be good when your world is so different. My routine answer of “Okay” has grown old, so I just shrug and give them the I don’t really know look.
I just don’t have the words to give the short answer to the question. I have only the long, drawn out description that most people really don’t want to know. It scares them. It scares me too.
I drove BoBo to the baseball field to watch the Senior All Stars play the final game in the local tournament. Though I cannot remember what we fought about on the way to the game, I can remember that I was feeling inept to face the crowd that was growing in and around the stands. I had to dodge THE question for a bit longer. I left YaYa with BoBo and went for a much needed run.
I ran a little harder than I was supposed to. Harder and faster than “easy” pace, but it was cathartic. I let the thoughts and images move through me like the air that I was breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The fears, the fight, the headache that I had all day long, and the work day. I breathed it in, and blew it out.
At the end of the run, I was able to face the crowds and THE question. I still didn’t have an answer to it, but that was okay too. I was able to enjoy watching the team hit their way into the next tournament.