Remember the Titans was on the television. It was BoBo who put it on. Caught up in the old tradition, I carried my dinner plate into the living room to watch. The moment was much like the old times, only someone was missing. It felt natural but discomforting at the same time. BoBo, YaYa and I watched the movie and remembered the past year – watching football movies, as well as BoBo’s football games on the TV with their Dad.
BoBo has decided not to play football this coming school year. I can’t help but question his decision. I often wonder if Tom’s passing has more to do with BoBo’s choice than anything else. It is his decision to make, and I hope that it won’t be one that he will later regret. Football gave BoBo so much confidence and pride in this past school year. But it was also something that Tom latched onto in a big way.
The movie was just getting good when BoBo laced up his shoes. His running shoes, although barely worn, have long been outgrown. Wearing his high-tops, with the top open, he took to the streets for some run therapy.
Thirty minutes after he had gone, I began to get anxious. The sun had set and he was wearing a dark shirt. I wished that I had stopped him and made him change. I called him on his cell phone and discovered that he was heading back home.
But I wasn’t totally relieved. I let twenty more minutes pass (or perhaps it only *seemed* like twenty) and laced up my own shoes. YaYa, Lucky and I piled into the van to check out how he was doing.
Less than a mile away from our home, BoBo could be seen. With myPod blasting in his ear, he was moving along to a quick song – I could tell. He was *flying* like a jet plane.
And when he was back in the house, he looked at me and said, “You should be happy, Mom. I ran.” I should be, but I can’t stop wondering if it is running instead football only because his Dad isn’t here.
it’s so hard to let them choose for themselves! my kid gave up crew, and i guess it was for the best, but i wonder too if she’ll regret it one day.
well it sounds like conor is doing the best he can do with what he’s feeling. and if he does take up running, maybe you can take that as a compliment..?
I wonder too. From the simple words in the post, I’m thinking football might have too much of an emotional connection. Then I think, what a wonderful model you’ve been for him – he handled his emotions about the movie in such a productive way. He didn’t get defiant, or withdraw, or turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain, instead he followed the path his Mom has been following. His connection to you is still strong – and that is so important. He could have chosen to reject you – shift his anger and hurt onto your shoulders – but he didn’t. His response is a testament to you and to Tom.
And personally, (I might be biased) I think running is a much better choice for his health and well-being in the long term than football!
I cannot assume at this point that he is shifting/choosing running as a sport. If he uses it to cope that will be good.
He had told me that afternoon that he was going to go running. He wants to “workout” this summer and get in shape.
Time will tell what comes of it. He sure is FAST though.
I can totally relate, I am putting my third son through high school and facing the same kinds of sports decisions. In my limited experience they will eventually find their way, just be there to support their decisions, that’s all we can do… – now take a run!
The adjustments continue. I guess only time will tell how these things will work out.
This weekend can’t be easy for your boys. Father’s Day – ugh. If running gets Connor through it then more power to him.
Julie,
I know it is hard and for me reading the posts, it makes me cry. Actually Carlos stopped playing football in H.S. after hurting his back. You know X-country in H.S. is a great, fun sport and in the long run a life sport!! Both you and Tom ran! It is great being a football star, but it all ends after H.S. Maybe this will be a “GREAT” excuse for you guys to come to Davis to run and do races (hint, hint!!!) Carlos can run with Conor to give him a challenge and male, relative, mentor companion. Hopefully he will ponder X-country. I think he will do AWESOME, it is in his genes. I love you and glad to hear you survived this past weekend. Good luck this next one!!! Let me know if you still plan to do Dipsea so I can see what ‘tricks’ I can come up to join you…..